Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Advice please: about to get massage, should I be in underwear or just a towel? It's one of these coin-op chairs in the mall if that helps.
The new iPhone is thinner and taller - like young phones aren't already faced with impossible body expectations. When will this madness end?
Just to clarify: twitter IS my drafts folder.
This is the winter of our disco tent.
I protect my tweets from being stolen by ensuring their quality is far below the effort required to cut and paste.
Today an angry driver asked me if I was "a professional a-hole". Haha! As if I'd ever sacrifice my amateur status for money.
has a lousy sense of direction ------>
"No. I'm just a regular pig who happens to live in Guinea." - A pig in Guinea, who also talks, evidently.
It's a ballsy individual who goes for a high-five at funerals.
The best sort of motivational personal training would be to remind guys furiously pumping iron that none of this will ever make them taller.
Unlike Shakira's, my hips are prone to flamboyant exaggeration.
Perfectly coordinated crowds waving flags on an empty stomach is the national sport of North Korea.
Every time Bigfoot tries to post his profile pic, it goes all blurry and ends up looking like a big dummy wearing a shag rug in the bushes.
"Family Ties" had a deceptively low number of incestuous BDSM themed episodes.
My feminine-side just told my masculine-side it only thinks of it "as a brother-side."
Please support my charity "Rappers Without Confidence".
How do we feel about Kony this year?
"I, Avril, promise to love and care for you, in sickness and in health."
"I, Mr Nickleback, like your pants around your feet."
I know ex-gay therapy is largely discredited these days, but has anyone tried playing an episode of Glee backwards?
Just had a look over my timeline. I put the "sass" in "disassociative personality disorder".
I'm just a boy, standing in front of a barrista, asking her to serve him.