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  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    My favorite old western movie is "Debbie Does Dallas".

    • 24
    • FAVS
    DatBarberCanCutWonderTwin36timisnutsJimmerThatisAllStephenBCramerDrangulaMothpeteHobopornstar______
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    JimmerThatisAlljasonjarmooshChiefTwittlervaggieburger______CM2BTTHDMidgetspar
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    Is this that holiday, when you hit Mexicans with sticks, a whole bunch of candy falls out of them?

    • 23
    • FAVS
    DatBarberCanCutWonderTwin36timisnutsJimmerThatisAllStephenBCramerMothpeteHobopornstar______Aspersioncast
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    JimmerThatisAllMuath_tu__________LustfulTearsGreenEyedJedi
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    Dear neighbor, I work graveyards this week, can you kindly please shut the fuck up and stop roofing your house?

    • 20
    • FAVS
    WonderTwin36timisnutsJimmerThatisAllStephenBCramerAspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoSlabBaconBP
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    CM2BTTHDHigenellMelissaGizSalAliMidgetspar
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    For some reason, my wife is taking notes while watching Snapped.

    • 18
    • FAVS
    WonderTwin36JimmerThatisAllStephenBCramerDaddyNick________AspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoChiefTwittler
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    CopperheadSammiMidgetspar
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    My favorite part of inlaws is when they don't come over.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    JimmerThatisAllStephenBCramerDaddyNick________Hobopornstar______AspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoSlabBaconBP
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    JimmerThatisAll
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    Dear Buffalo Wild Wings, if I wanted shitty food served with a pissy attitude, I would of just stayed home and cooked.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerMothpeteDaddyNick________AspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoChiefTwittlerMuath_tu__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    slakingfool
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    If your mom walks you to work, because you both work the same street corner, then you're a ho.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    WonderTwin36StephenBCramerAspersioncastBacon_Ball________bombscribeJimnneyCricketsJustinFuranoFeliciovs
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    LolaAdebisi_JohnnyGarischayobamioshonotfaizzy
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    I bet chinese restaurants get really excited when it rains cats and dogs.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerDaddyNick________AspersioncastBacon_Ball________DaveParenteauJustinFuranoChiefTwittlerMuath_tu__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    MalibuOnIcePlz
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    I quit sticking my dick in my wife's mouth while she sleeps, because she grinds her teeth.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    WonderTwin36StephenBCramerThe_Dorkster______AspersioncastBacon_Ball________DaveParenteauselknaIamtheMander__
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    selknataken_time_out____
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    Sorry I haven't been on here in 6 months, I was taking a really wicked piss.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    soholecek6317____carlakirt6iYwJeannieeyuu__Brettqnli________Toshiaavh________Latiacnmr________Seangwbkv____Cindigcfi
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    Ummm, yeah... I'm gonna need you to work some overtime today.

    *Me to my liver, in the voice of the boss from "Office Space".

    • 8
    • FAVS
    WonderTwin36StephenBCramerDaddyNick________AspersioncastBacon_Ball________DaveParenteauJustinFuranouMakeMeBad
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    bunnyhopper101DaveBeCrazyuMakeMeBad
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    I save all my good jokes for Myspace.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    WonderTwin36DrangulaDaddyNick________AspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoChiefTwittlerMuath_tu__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    WonderTwin36
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    I hope the couple at Walmart, that argued with the cashier over 25 cents and wasted 20 minutes of my time, die a horrible death in a fire.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerAspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoChiefTwittlerUglyPrick________tchastingsLizziefro
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    This tweet is made possible by my sudden urge to poop.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    JustinFuranoMiss_MI_KaySilentButDanny____SaraESpiveyslakingfoolkevnasto
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    SilentButDanny____slakingfool
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    Rednecks would have a heyday, if David Sunflower Seeds came out with a Copenhagen flavor.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    BalsaWoodJaxonJustinFuranobobsaysdrinkPRESTONinCOLORvivalamoi448
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    MikeHancho23kaci_mcCbobsaysdrink
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    It's times like this, when I wish I still had my blow up sheep.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    DrangulaAspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoChiefTwittleruMakeMeBadKenPowell252
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    KenPowell252
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    We're going to the inlaw's today. I wonder if they still have that stupid rule, "No snot rockets on the front porch"?

    • 8
    • FAVS
    AspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranoChiefTwittlerMuath_tu__________BeerhazeOne_FineMesspixelpiper
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    I'm not kissing homeless guys anymore, that guy in Miami ruined it for me.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    JimmerThatisAllMidgetsparJustinFuranomrtruthandsoulMotgol11__________MercenaryJaneVerifiedJayy______
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    You guys are my favorite coworkers!

    • 7
    • FAVS
    JimmerThatisAllJustinFuranoClassy_Cassy89____SilentButDanny____One_FineMessFav_Asshole______uMakeMeBad
  • rookieduck
      Rookie @rookieduck

    Thank you all for the follows, rts and stars!

    • 5
    • FAVS
    AspersioncastBacon_Ball________JustinFuranouMakeMeBadBottleOfDeath
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    SagDec15BottleOfDeath
@rookieduck

@rookieduck

If you're reading this, you're probably taking a shit.