Country music is the most perfect accessory.....for suicide!

Just lick it like an icecream about to melt. How hard is that??
If I needed a bath, I'd take one!!

Husbands are good for a cock & a paycheck.....& if neither is large then your wife will leave you eventually.

Trying to think of something wonderful and interesting to tweet but I'm as baron as an old nun today. :(

Best way to get my man's attention is:
A) wear something naughty
B) cook something yummy
C) pick up my ereader and ignore him

When I die:
I plan to drink too much, smoke more & have sex with strangers! At least I can do 1&2 now!

My female Yorkie is a humper! Poor hello kitty has been violated once again!!!

Seriously, tweeters seem more consumed with erections than elections? Wassup wit dat?? Lol

I'll walk behind your ass with my head down if you'll agree to pay my bills!!

Tats are like birthmarks you buy in a store.

I've been prayer to the lord all morning....




That you'd get hit by a fuckin bus!

PS: & that I'm in your will.

shout out to all you stupid bastards who arrange meetings at 6:30am!!! I hate you, wish you were dead! I'll have an Xlrg w/cream :)

Low bush berries are sweeter to taste.

@mentalfl0ss in order to be interesting, you have to have a little nerd somewhere deep inside. :)

I'm finding people retweetable tonight.

Wit or without you

kids out there: finish a formal education so you can eventually get paid for what you are probably doing now.. Sweetfuckall!

Soooo bored at work....tweet break!!! How much do I get paid again? Lol

@swaniechicken it could be the meatball special instead of the STRIPloin special. Fries would be extra...ouch!

I keep thinking about how you used me last night to wear off your spins....mmm you really should drink more often. :p