Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I bet that following most chicks on twitter is a lot like being married to them. You get to listen to them bitch and don't get to fuck them
Smart blondes are oxymorons whereas dumb blondes are foxymorons
Give that itch a scratch.
Itches love scratches.
The manly way to end a letter is to put XYXY
I hate being in a bad part of town, I always end up robbing someone.
I just haven't been able to get a good nights sleep since R.E.M broke up
Read a whole ESPN blog entry about hamstring injuries this week before I realized it was written by a woman. Reading it backwards to unlearn
I wish I knew how many random people have tweeted about something dumb they saw me doing real life
I live a sedimentary lifestyle because I rock.
Why can't I just live for a living
How many strippers are Polish?
I'd be perfect if it weren't for all this damn modesty
And on the 8th day He said, "A snooze shall only be 9 minutes." And it was.
Not having anything to talk about is the leading cause of explaining fantasy football to old people at family functions
Worrying about punctuation at the end of tweets has taken 4 years off my life from time + stress
The world will probably end at like 5pm tomorrow, just to give us one last workday
I bet David Bowie is somewhere kicking himself for not thinking of the leather skinny jean and leather skirt combo
I shitzu not, they are dumb dogs
100% of sassy fat chicks make up 36% of Adele's fan base. The rest are regular fat chicks.
I studied squinting at the Leonardo DiCaprio School of Acting, deftly ill, aspiring castle. Hail Sagan #aggressivelyteamcoolandnice