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Friends: 272
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@rscooter27's (Scott Sanders) most faved Tweets...
rscooter27
Whoever decided to put an "s" in the word "lisp" was just fucking mean.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Since joining Twitter I've learned a bit about the inner workings of the female mind. And it scares the fuck out of me.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Had sex with the wife this morning but please don't say anything, she doesn't know yet.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
No matter how low my wife sets the bar I find some way to crawl under it.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
My wifes new safe word. "Don't even fucking think about it"!!
@rscooter27
rscooter27
I dont care much for phone sex. I tried it once and it got stuck in my ass.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Wifes all pissed at me now. She dropped her book behind the couch and her arm got stuck getting it.So of course I pulled down her pants.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Today is friday the 13th. Just to be on the safe side I'm gonna wear 2 pairs of underwear.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
My tummy makes a great awning for my penis. So I got that going for me.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
I like my women the way I like my soap. Covered in pubic hair.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Wife claims our waitress was flirting with me tonight. It wasn't really her fault, I guess I just need to tone down the sexy a bit.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Sadly the only mark I've made in life is in my underwear.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Tonight my boss left his cherished hard hat out.So I put a few "MY Little Pony" stickers on it.One must embrace the simple joys in life.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
I thought that show "V" was supposed to be about giant alien vaginas. What a rip off.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
Was gonna have hot morning sex with the wife. But then she woke up.
@rscooter27
rscooter27
I take vitamins not for the health benefit, I just like how they make my pee turn real pretty colors.
@rscooter27
16
MeanMartiniBeef_Tongueinnerbitchsha_sugaiamnotdiddyDDDBUjohn_a_hughesredtothetoneThaozillanavanaxFreakdadCheVolayfactualfictionpiercedbratSilkPillowNoPantsOn
rscooter27
I must confess, I once fell asleep during a blow job. And boy was that trucker ever pissed.
@rscooter27
16
Fuck_StickDolanitewarslawjorshuwahmlb_matosgunthergreeniamnotdiddyMissStaceyLynntherealcherilynMeanMartiniFreakdadsha_suganavanaxsanthonythomasCheVolaypiercedbrat
rscooter27
Watching a show about Caligula on the history channel. He seemed like a very nice young man.
@rscooter27
15
Mela_DeinnerbitchbestgirlbettysecretcsstrixiebootsfactualfictionMissStaceyLynntherealcherilynMeanMartiniFreakdadsha_sugaiamnotdiddynavanaxsanthonythomasbedheadblonde
rscooter27
Parts of me smell worse that others so I better shower to even myself out.
@rscooter27
15
mlb_matosAuntMarvelSnuggieBunnyfactualfictionBeef_TongueMissStaceyLynntherealcherilynMeanMartiniRanGTFreakdadsha_sugaiamnotdiddynavanaxCheVolaypiercedbrat
rscooter27
I am now accepting pity stars.
@rscooter27
13
rachyrach1navanaxBeef_TonguetwistedpfisteriamnotdiddyfactualfictionMissStaceyLynntherealcherilynMeanMartiniFreakdadsha_sugabisforpianoredtothetone
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