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You know you've found the real Twitter when you're unfollowing boring celebs to follow normal people.
the only good thing about the divorce rate in this country is that eventually somebody you wanted will likely end up single again
I can't believe some women still make you wear condoms ... what is this, 1987?
twitter crush? i'm more like an illegal mexican fishing boat trawling the ocean with huge nets for any mermaid that gets trapped
I never saw plants breathe until i took hallucinogenics.
Pinterest is like Tumblr for Soccer Moms
My Dell laptop is running slower than Oprah being chased by a cupcake monster.
My fav cologne is Italian, it's called Febreze, you prob haven't heard of it ...
unfollowing every girl who seems to be under 18 is often a heart-rending decision
I love strippers, except for the ones related to me ... because then it's very sad and tragic
Picking up a stripper for free is very difficult unless you have a ton of tatts, a big sack of coke, a PhD in Thuganomics, or are a woman.
Life is a social experiment, and we're like the rise of the apes apes
Stars are very nice, but i could use some RTs when i'm on a roll like today, bc i follow too many ppl.
One of the nicest things a girl ever said to me was "you can cum on my face ... or my tits"
The girl asked me if i wanted to "post up" with her, so I forearmed her in the chest and jumped and grabbed the highest beer bottle i could.
I forgot to pay my child support, and Hulk Hogan came and repossessed my child.
Financial Trader, Writer - Reddit Elite - UK BBN - Chelsea FC BPL - Pro Israel - NBA - Pro Wrestling - Daily Fantasy - NFL - Bengals - UFC - Cubs - 18+
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