Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
When rolling your eyes at the person behind you, make sure you don't have a mirror in front of you.
Guy screaming at the tv over the hockey game: STFU. Daddy needs a drink.
One of life lessons I missed: how to change a car battery. Thank you for the tutorial, Google.
Is it too much to ask for an ugly doctor?
You know what this place needs?
Anything but a pick-up truck.
-Me, in a small town
To new parents who think other people's kids are cute too:
Oh shit! I am that cranky person on this bus.
When did emo end and hipster began?
If my experience with automated response has taught me anything, it is this: people with rotary phones (real or not) get priority.
George was the name of my future dog. Now I'm going to have to use the back up name.
Can I wear my tear-away Adidas track pants from 1995 to your BBQ?
Overheard my parents in bed talk about which will take you farther in life: hard work or intelligence
Whew. Not the worst "pillow talk"
Safe to say I won't be wearing the pants in any relationship: still stuck on step 1 of how to fix leaky toilet. #sadfaceemoticon
"Do you want my money or not?"
- what I really wanted to write to the admissions committee.
I honestly thought Born-Again Christians were the same as Second-Hand Virgins.
I have a new pet rash.
I should get a gold star for taking the scenic route to ripping off this band-aid. And by "ripping off", I mean "delicately peeling".
fairweather runner, geocacher, crockpot owner, and dream-killer. allegedly.