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When rolling your eyes at the person behind you, make sure you don't have a mirror in front of you.
One of life lessons I missed: how to change a car battery. Thank you for the tutorial, Google.
You know what this place needs?
Anything but a pick-up truck.
-Me, in a small town
If my experience with automated response has taught me anything, it is this: people with rotary phones (real or not) get priority.
Overheard my parents in bed talk about which will take you farther in life: hard work or intelligence
Whew. Not the worst "pillow talk"
Safe to say I won't be wearing the pants in any relationship: still stuck on step 1 of how to fix leaky toilet. #sadfaceemoticon
"Do you want my money or not?"
- what I really wanted to write to the admissions committee.
I honestly thought Born-Again Christians were the same as Second-Hand Virgins.
I should get a gold star for taking the scenic route to ripping off this band-aid. And by "ripping off", I mean "delicately peeling".
Wow! The Coldplay and the U2 played on the radio within the same hour. It must be my birthday. @cbcr2morning
Having a great head of hair and then wearing a hat all the time.
That's how your iPhone feels.
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