@ruthakers' most faved Tweets...
I hate when my kids say "But mom; it was an accident!"
So were you pumpkin, but I still have to take responsibility for you.
So were you pumpkin, but I still have to take responsibility for you.
If life hands you lemons Then a mango Then an apple It's because you're in the fruit aisle With a 2 year old Who won't stop handing you crap
The woman at the liquor store just told me Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year
It's so cute how she thinks I won't be back before then
It's so cute how she thinks I won't be back before then
The difference between this waffle house & a crack house is that someone at the crack house would have asked me what I wanted by now
Any man who cuts in front of a woman wearing sweats buying tampons, a bottle of vodka, Midol, and double stuff Oreos
Doesn't
Want
To
Live
Doesn't
Want
To
Live
5 tickets to Avatar: $50
2 drinks: $12
Popcorn: $10
Having all 4 kids fall asleep in the movie?
Pricele-
Well; no.
That's still $72
2 drinks: $12
Popcorn: $10
Having all 4 kids fall asleep in the movie?
Pricele-
Well; no.
That's still $72
5 grown women huddle around 5 laptops harvesting pumpkins in their fake farms, but the girl with Twitter is the "one with the problem".
4 is feeding her baby.
I asked her what she was feeding it.
"Poison" she says.
The mothering genes are inherently strong with this one.
I asked her what she was feeding it.
"Poison" she says.
The mothering genes are inherently strong with this one.
An entire herd of perfectly dressed and manicured over cologned boys are walking the mall; Far scarier than Zombies; they're Abercrombies
5am finds me at a gas station in my pjs with 3 kids buying an energy drink
I've never felt closer to Britney Spears than I do right now
I've never felt closer to Britney Spears than I do right now
Local radio station is having a contest for photos of the dumbest thing you've done while intoxicated.
I'm sending in my wedding album.
I'm sending in my wedding album.
The skinny girl inside me wants to go to the gym, but her unwanted opinions on health are the reason I ate her in the first place.
Did my self breast exam today in the shower.
Been doing them for 7 years.
Still haven't found any breasts but I'm not giving up.
Been doing them for 7 years.
Still haven't found any breasts but I'm not giving up.
"Where do you see your body 6 months from now"?
"On top of yours"
"..."
Anyways; I'm looking for a new trainer.
And a new gym.
"On top of yours"
"..."
Anyways; I'm looking for a new trainer.
And a new gym.
If you give a man a fish, and he rubs it on himself, and doesn't bathe, and then goes to the Alaska DMV; he's the man sitting next to me.
Man at walmart asked me the name of "mommy's little helpers".
Judging by his face; "Xanax & Vodka" wasn't the response he was looking for.
Judging by his face; "Xanax & Vodka" wasn't the response he was looking for.
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