There appears to be an infestation of crickets under my shed. Why do I find it adorable?

I really hope that mustache was supposed to be ironic.

Just explained Twitter to my friend Bill. I don't think I did it right, as he's excited to sign up.

I think freezing rain is just snow that wants to be a dick about it.

I don't believe I've ever eaten a donut and *not* regretted it afterward.

MMS on the iPhone. We really do live in the future, don't we.

Oh. That's how voice mail works?!? Thanks, Recorded Lady, for assuming we all have head trauma. Or are time travelers from the 70's.

I'm fine w/working w/a group that's smarter than me, but do they have to be gracious, thoughtful & attractive, too? I'm like Sloth at Mensa.

I really feel bad for all of these single-tweet girls that keep following me looking for well-endowed guys. Good luck in your search.

Oh crazy man who wandered in to the bar in an apron and wanting to talk to me, I'll miss you least of all.

@gordonshumway Allow it.

The great joy of my week: my sarcastic choice of Toto's Africa on the jukebox results in a bar-wide singalong.

It's a lonely feeling when your tablet's pen is broken and @wacom tech support is on a holiday break. Is this what the settlers felt like?

@trick_or_tweet Or a penisn't.

It's that time of year again. Time to wonder who the fuck keeps putting The Field on Pitchfork's best-of-year lists. *Has* to be a relative.

@tony_d Might be a problem with your version of RAM Doubler.

I think I've known you all long enough to admit to you that I don't give a shit about The Beatles.

Pandora: You like Butthole Surfers? Then you'll like Primus! Me: I do, but they're really not that simil... P: How about Gorillaz!? M: WTF?

Thought that my daughter would make my hair fall out. Turns out it's the CS4 install process.

Second folky song on the radio today that mentions Googling. Bravo, alterna-folk singers. Your music will live on. To next Thursday.