we are ALL staring at computer screens, we have SO much in common.

I'd like to unknow most people.

How to be a condescending dick on twitter: DM someone that you don't follow.

Moms call us just so they can hear us say "uh huh" a million times and then hang up.

Even though I hate myself, I prefer my own company over anyone else's.

I need to get my life together & buy some new pillows.

Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.

At the time of writing, the last thing I remember is typing the full-stop at the end of this tweet.

I'm no rocket-scientologist, but after extensive research it turns out the best way to masturbate is with someone else's tongue.

Happiness is contagious. So do your best to stay away from that shit.

Him: Wanna go out tonight?
Me: I'm on my period, we can't have sex.
Him: Ok. I still want to hang out with you.
Me: I don't understand.