I want my marriage to be a forever one night stand, laughing and joking, beer drinking, dancing, pizza in bed kinda relationship.

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Grab a plate and throw it on the floor. Did it break? Yes? Ok, now tell it you're sorry. Good, now, did it unbreak? No? Now you understand.

Someone told me: Don't fall in love, you might get hurt; I told him: Don't live, you might die.

Facebook is not friendship, Instagram is not photography and Twitter is not fame.

The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn't remind you of anyone.

That awkward moment between your wedding and your divorce.

This guy next to me says my cigarette smoke is bothering him. I'm like: Well, it's killing me and I'm not bitching about it.

If you love someone let them go, but fuck them first. If they come back fuck them again, if they don’t, fuck someone else.

The Chinese coined the phrase ''It's not you, it's me'' while looking at family pictures.

Never cry for an onion that doesn't deserve you.

I bet frogs are tired of kissing stupid girls.

Shockingly Pitbull's first name isn't Feat.

A confident, secure woman is a man's insecurity.

The best thing about reading a book is when everything around you disappears.

Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.

Sometimes a person will walk into our life and we finally understand why it didn't work out with anybody else.

I

T
H
I
N
K

W
E

S
H
O
U
L
D

R
U
I
N

P
E
O
P
L
E
S

T
I
M
E
L
I
N
E

B
Y

T
W
E
E
T
I
N
G

L
I
K
E

T
H
I
S

A
L
L

D
A
Y
.
.
.
.
.

I would walk over Legos for you.

That thin line between giving someone a second chance and not loving yourself.