You say let’s leave a better planet for our kids, I say let’s leave better kids for our planet.

Nobody move, I lost a follower...

My favorite book is the one that opens up a secret passageway behind the bookcase.

Every 60 seconds on Twitter, an hour passes in real life.

The correct term for jealousy is the fear of losing you.

Don’t worry, your secret is safe with everyone.

Running away from my problems is the closest I’ll ever get to exercising.

If I was a vending machine, I would shake the can before giving it to people.

kids are cute until you realized that they’re actually here to replace us.

I wish my brain had a "clear history" button.

If Eve sacrificed the whole human race for an apple, have you ever wondered what she would have done for a cucumber?

The leading cause for breakup is having a relationship.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people that there's an empty parking space when it's actually occupied by small cars

In lemon's planet, life throws them humans.

My dream job is sleeping.

Why are there needles in haystacks in the first place? Who has been putting them there? What are these people up to?

If I was a bear, I would tickle the guy who plays dead with me.

i will not sleep until i have found the cure for insomnia.

When you’re alone and suddenly starts yawning for no reason, most probably there’s a ninja in your room that just yawned.

I believe in a little thing called whatever.