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  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.

    • 1,730
    • FAVS
    buck4ittjunkyardiganSapphireBeldudsofcreightonmarcusparkersolNounGender_BadKittynocturnology
    • 1,039
    • RETWEETS
    NounGenderJames_McBurnieDemolitionBlondwhatwouldWooddoPJisBeastJamesonN7BakedBrotatoesPaperplane_mode
    ToxicProbablyArrowsOfTheSunanjadrischtitletown__Lil_Sassy_Melife_suckerphxguy881HappytwitMyLoveGoesDown____uMakeMeBadgoobygoonElifcelloBonerfiedtwit
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    "Do what you love & the money will follow."

    Ate some pizza, harassed a telemarketer, & took a 6 hr nap in my underwear.

    And now, I wait...

    • 1,368
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganMikeHabteBoredButPerkyTagteam10101SickSoulStudiosmasterdreads65baciivLjayHAM
    • 909
    • RETWEETS
    SickSoulStudiosmoneymaker3K8linY8sbaciivTomSchneebergJoseyAndrewsRashaud_93ahha1111
    lucyworld1Tuna_LoverK0VIE1800Randy
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Yeah, I really don't think this whole "responsible adult" thing is gonna work out.

    • 788
    • FAVS
    iamAnumChSonaSoomroTehmashKhanSeemaRaniaChivazerLeslieAMLItsGabbarSapphireBel
    • 430
    • RETWEETS
    Koks_19896weirdwomanriaItsGabbarSapphireBelJames_McBurnieTimholloway101SassyTexasGalry12garv
    curlymalloyNicholey23
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    I wish that voice in my head that told me not to do stupid things was actually in charge.

    • 624
    • FAVS
    alison_prosserolievl123HopesterwalkerkptTheSicilian91GinGanderjunkyardiganSapphireBel
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    GinGandercbassyojunkyardiganJames_McBurniery12garvPestilence_666NotaFunnyLadyrustygunter
    junkyardiganNotthatAdamWestktoab____________
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Even if it hurts like hell, I'd rather hear the truth than be smothered by silence and lies.

    • 629
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganMademoiselleOrfMrMcGee_9ChivazerLeslieAMLItsGabbarSapphireBeldudsofcreighton
    • 288
    • RETWEETS
    MademoiselleOrfMrMcGee_9JaaviieItsGabbarSapphireBelJames_McBurnieSilasHeatherSassyTexasGal
    GreeneyedManiacVotremelodieblaque_jaque______nativerogue
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    So hubs will only let me buy boxed wine now, which is super economical because I'm saving the cardboard for his new house under the bridge.

    • 612
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBeldudsofcreightonmarcusparkersolNounGenderJames_McBurnieToxicProbablyDudeInABearSuit
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    NounGenderJames_McBurnieSassyTexasGalSirFlushaLotry12garvSamuraiJ11notrandomrosioPinkBlotMom
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    You call it procrastination. I call it ingenious avoidance.

    Either way, lets talk about it later.

    • 482
    • FAVS
    mediumflowjunkyardiganSapphireBelDoshiDdLookMa_ImBatmanNounGenderJames_McBurnieToxicProbably
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyLookMa_ImBatmanNounGenderJames_McBurnieShiekie75PollyBrown95jjlob7ry12garv
    JizzIam__________
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    I don't want to fix or change your tortured soul. I only want to wait out the storm with you, & take your hand when the sun comes out again.

    • 421
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurnieToxicProbablyjjlob7ry12garvtimothyroe2
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    James_McBurnietimothyroe2SparklesMoon123haolegurl808max_pad21newbiangoddess_hmmwalsh140FromTheEdge____
    CynicalLongkathoops_DaddyThat_Damn_Duck
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    The moment some bacon fell out of my mouth and landed on my boob, as I lie here on the couch reading Twitter, I realized my true sexiness.

    • 501
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganTheGabalLeslieAMLSapphireBeldudsofcreightonNounGenderJames_McBurnieToxicProbably
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    SapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurniery12garvFloatersfinestSamuraiJ11ImABaconDonutNiceShoesWannaF
    curlymalloy
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    My inner brat needs a good spanking.

    • 452
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurniery12garvtimothyroe2rustygunterBeach__Wisdom
    • 141
    • RETWEETS
    James_McBurniery12garvSamuraiJ11TweetyLKatn3lomsuckmykissxxNeon_DragonImABaconDonut
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Me to 11yo:Quit playing your xbox so much. Son:OK, when you quit playing that phone game trying to get lots of followers." Touche, lil shit.

    • 451
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBeldudsofcreightonNounGenderJames_McBurnie_alexrasmussenry12garvtimothyroe2
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    James_McBurniery12garvadixiegirl01rustygunterSamuraiJ11tkhan74ZADF_ORGfastmofobanshee
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Son's observation: Mom, I've noticed every criminal either has hair or doesn't have hair.
    He's a genius, this one.

    • 460
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBeldudsofcreightonNounGenderJames_McBurnie_alexrasmussenry12garvtimothyroe2
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    NounGenderJames_McBurniery12garvrustygunterSamuraiJ11haolegurl808tkhan74Christoholio
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    In my perfect world, chips and queso would have no fat, calories or carbs, and margaritas would be weight loss supplements.

    • 408
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganorbitalpatternsSapphireBelkatspaksNounGenderJames_McBurniejjlob7rustygunter
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    SapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurnieBeach__WisdomnotrandomrosioGosellsomethingCheyDopenessPinkBlotMom
    lakeanagirlSoapyJohnsonErik_Allenmartianhaiku______fuckmylife2hell
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Going grocery shopping with my kids is just one of the many special bonding moments that makes me want to fucking kill myself.

    • 426
    • FAVS
    ParkerlawyerjpcorserBoleyngirlyurbanrockerjunkyardiganSapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurnie
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    junkyardiganNounGenderJames_McBurniery12garvSamuraiJ11tkhan74SparklesMoon123AndyKirchner
    A_SmartAss
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    I'm all for eating apples, but I really think an orgasm a day is much more health conscious.

    • 374
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurniejjlob7ry12garvfavampSamuraiJ11
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    NounGenderJames_McBurniery12garvlittlemisspsunSamuraiJ11nbrankleslopoke1000Stinger62011
    goobygoon
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Dear 22 year old me: just wait, Bitch, it gets sooooo much better.
    Love, older, wiser and sexier me.

    • 410
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBeldudsofcreightonNounGenderJames_McBurniefavampmommaschulewImABaconDonut
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    NounGenderJames_McBurnieSparklesMoon123MichabeanleahlovescheezslotjunkieroseA_DevineDelightAndyKirchner
    curlymalloy
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    I have no time or patience for games in my relationships.

    Unless by "games" you're referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.

    • 347
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBeldudsofcreightonNounGenderJames_McBurniefavampCrudeRudyLaVieDaLola
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    James_McBurnieLaVieDaLolaMsJLSRealRitektemp__xoSparklesMoon123ImABaconDonuthoops_Daddyfromasmallltown
    _vacant___________A_SmartAss
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Guys, if you're cheating and we don't say anything, we're either gathering evidence, or we're glad someone else is keeping you occupied.

    • 362
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBelNounGenderritaswan1favampcharlzeroJudyBooty02obi_ian_kenobi
    • 133
    • RETWEETS
    nerdthesedaysSapphireBelJames_McBurnieTru2007rankingTweetsLorie_Lee3flyyymamivbaikauskaite
    wesjohnson8JackieluvsUK
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    Sometimes it takes only a moment of clarity to align your heart and head, to see through the disillusion, and adjust your path to truth.

    • 280
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurniejjlob7favampSparklesMoon123ImABaconDonut
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    James_McBurnieSparklesMoon123140FromTheEdge____8MerlotEmilyVictorymoiragallagaSoWeirditsCoolRichHarris2
    silent_musings
  • Samigrl2
      Sami @Samigrl2

    I love when I cross that line between lightly buzzed and just beautifully drunk. Heavenly.

    • 317
    • FAVS
    junkyardiganSapphireBelNounGenderJames_McBurnieCletusHammerfavampSparklesMoon123ImABaconDonut
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    James_McBurniefavampSparklesMoon123castabignetA_DevineDelightAndyKirchnergrownassedwoman__lisalane712
    Southernboy_420curlymalloy
@Samigrl2

@Samigrl2

What in the hell do I write here?