I saw you with her today and I cried. Then I realized that I have less baggage and bigger boobs and I laughed.

If there are strings attached this time, I swear, I am going to hang you with them!

I think if Dora would just bitch slap Swiper, he would leave her shit alone.

Can't believe you deleted your FB account. How am I supposed to know when to hit on your boyfriend if I can't read your status?

Really Officer, I was texting while driving...I was helping to decrease the bee population with my cell phone.

You made me mad today so I scrubbed your tiolet....with your toothbrush.

Keep messing with me today and I am going to stab you with my big girl scissors.

Housesitting for a friend. 6 says "mom, they most be rich, because they have really soft tiolet paper."

Am I the only person who didn't think the press was talking about steriods when they ask Tiger was he using Performance Inhancing Drugs?

If you don't like my FB status, my Twitter status is really going to piss you off!

Based on your most recent FB status, I'm guessing you figured out I'm seeing your boyfriend again.

Was complaining that it was taking me forever to finish my book, 6 said "then you should just read faster!" the logic!

What role am I playing in this DRAMA that is my life this time around? The Woman, the Other Woman, or the Other, Other Woman.

Is it still ok for the pot to call the kettle black? Or is there a politically correct way to say it now?

6-Memaw help me with my puzzle. MM-I can't. You know I'm the worst puzzler every. 6-Prove IT!!!

My motivation is on vacation... I'm beginning to think it bought a one-way ticket!

Are toys in Happy Meals making kids fat? Not my kid. She doesn't want the food, she wants the toy.

My sex life is a lot like a #worldcup game-a lot hard work and still nobody scores.

To my 6yo standing in front of the TV: I may not know who your daddy is...but I know he wasn't a glass maker. Now move it...

I was about one minute away from being one of those "pervs" who have sex in the bathroom at the park.