*slips on starfish as gloves* *slips on eels as socks* let's sea how today goes

nicolas cage in national treasure 3, discovers there are actually a bunch of i's in the word "team" hidden by martin van buren

What if all mascots were just costumes filled with ghosts? Spooky stuff.

I don't feel old, I feel like a ten year old who is very, very sick.

I think if we all put our heads together, we could figure out how to tweet the Game of Thrones theme song.

filming my cirque du soleil audition tape!* *doing crazy shit to stretch out the jeans i just put on

Steven Tyler kinda looks like a lamp a fortune teller would have.

Congrats @samwardbound! @rorynotroy picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day: http://t.co/ufyuOcNj

RT @xojanedotcom: A timeline of one girl's relationship with her body (from @thegynomite) http://t.co/EizaKPJv

I was walking in the woods and saw Liv Tyler grazing/feeding, I tried to catch her but I broke a twig and she was frightened and ran away

How positive are we that Steve Buscemi isn't just a pigeon?

The internet is where we all agree toddler beauty pageants are weird, then seconds later upload 400 photos of our cat in a boa.

Sad how a lot of mimes are actually regular people who grew up in libraries and don't know there's another way to live.

Walked into a Blockbuster only to find it being successfully managed by a family of possums.

"Aw, they're in love!" -Me, whenever any two animals interact, ever

"Nobody really gets me" - 7-11 banana

Some days I would rather have a tattoo than grandparents.

My girlfriend hiding my junk food is the real Hunger Game.

More like Sir-Mix-Very-Little-At-All-Anymore

"Curiosity" is what I named the coyote who killed my cat.