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At least telemarketers tell you what's up. Here you just get a link. Fuck your 'do surveys for cash,' I thought it was porn.
I don't understand why the label says "do not take these with alcohol." It's so much better this way.
Some of you have good concepts for tweets but I think you missed the English class where they taught you how to use a dictionary.
Had an anxiety attack. Took a pill for that. Or four. Then I figured I should drink some rum. Or a lot. But I feel better now because drugs.
You'd be so cute if you'd just stop doing that breathing thing that annoys the fuck out of me.
There's probably no better way to let the world know that you've failed as a parent than to have your child on a leash in public.
I'm never late. Whatever event I'm going to begins when I get there because in my world I am the sun.
I don't really employ formalities with potential friends. If you can't handle my level of awesome from the start, you won't ever be able to.
Kid I was babysitting made me watch "Shake It Up" & now I wanna shake her up. I mean, I don't know what happened, Officer. Really.
Tuesday, as my bartender said, is just three days away from Friday. So I had a coupe shots to celebrate this fact. Times two. Plus three.
I went to the library to do work on a physics assignment &left with a book called "Dracula, The Un-Dead" because priorities.
Another crappy morning of another crappy day where I have to deal with people. Fuck people. But not literally because they're mostly stupid.
If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse.
Despite the fact that email is slowing replacing the need for handwritten letters sent via post office, I love getting them in the mail. :)
Seriously considering making out with this guy cuz he has an awesome butt. Plus drug connections. And he's bilingual. Yeah I'm down.
I have many blonde moments. Then you read my papers &it's like, "Did you swallow a sarcastic dictionary with an IQ of 167?" Magic? Unicorns.
Bitches around me think they're something special &I'm talking down to them because they can't get on my level.
For this to be a successful relationship, you must adhere to the principles of my pride and the criteria that I base my self-esteem upon.
songwriter/professional shower singer/caffeine addict/easily distracted/puppies