Now that I think in tweets, my thoughts are so much funnier and amazing.

"Should" is the most violent word

Want to start a band called Metamorphic so everyone can be like "Metamorphic rocks!" and then pull out their favorite hand sample of gneiss.

tweet like no one is following you

Miracle-Gro for your brain except the plants die and the weeds take over.

Serving the curious listener

I'm all the characters on Dawson's Creek lol

Just took some Epsom salts and now I'm possessed by a trill demon

I suppose I could become a famous monster

Is it acceptable to say "what's good for the goose is good for the gander"? I'm just afraid it might be gander-normative

Some peeps think only weed gets you high not true almost anything will *huffs bag of lentils*

Don't wash all your clothes in one day and then dry them in your room with a heater because now everything is wet

Don't forget about armadillos

There are no missing objects. Only unsystematic searchers.

Come into my web of narrative

I remember how the darkness doubled. I recall lightning struck itself. I was listening to the rain. I was hearing something else.

Consider the idea that every living organism is striving to be a tree

I was thinking of you when i drew these Weasels puking up their bones. pic.twitter.com/4qs5YBzY

LEVEL UP! You may now unlock Adderall Mode with two cups of coffee.

It's weird that a spoon is essentially a bowl used to transfer food from from a larger bowl.