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  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Mirror: you look presentable.

    Camera: nope.

    • 251
    • FAVS
    varunbariacanadasandraCheesecake79eskimobrittany____grasshopper09erRubygirl123456PUY0LMizzGreenT__
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    marizsmnFavstar250Cheesecake79ohpen247Rubygirl123456MizzGreenT__TMcgutsDerek_DEIMOS
    0hJulietteCondre3000________
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Just gave making casual conversation with someone who wears sunglasses indoors a second try.

    Still nope.

    • 216
    • FAVS
    rw_powers________wickedcrickettchriscroctearsheadedtospace____LibertarianslutPaulyMoshkiebiJ3nnnz
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    rw_powers________chriscroctearsfearless14332kiebiJ3nnnzDamnittJennifer__altheneMrRamBillings
    TheNordicHammer
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Hey look, another person on Facebook hates liars.

    • 119
    • FAVS
    headedtospace____VikeeysSecretPaulyMoshCheryeDavisHerRamblings______AMHCartercallmeellieeeeTransaparenT
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    althenesallllymorrisChelseaZachariadeadlvngfavstar1000favsverybadthings1allforandreaInfenes
    Back2theFutrell__
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    How does a Mexican gangster respond to a joke?




    Cholol.

    • 116
    • FAVS
    charlzeroSoapyJohnsonheadedtospace____VikeeysSecretPaulyMoshalthene_correctomundoallforandrea
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    AngryD88DaryanPaige0hJuliette_hollycaustMrRamBillingsfavstar1000favslogan_proctorKyndaABigDeal
    SoapyJohnsonchowdersoope_Rodriguez_
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    My allergies are really acting up from all of these flowers I'm not getting.

    • 87
    • FAVS
    headedtospace____PaulyMoshaltheneKentTheG__________OhDuarteDaddyNick_________correctomundoallforandrea
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    DaryanPaige0hJulietteHotlinkStrahotakp_deaFercarbajal_goodballssukmal22kittysoftpaws71
    DukeOfOyl________
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Apparently the conclusory note of "adios bitchachos" in my speeches will never be respected in this establishment.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    altheneYourEvilTwin______samtschilallforandreakidphonicBunnydurdenbakabekoFredzipfel
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    AndySparks360Alex_N_ChainsMy_Ego_AlteredFavstar_NSFWJenny_tuls________GinlickerJesTurtle________Steampunk_Skunk
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    I spend hours reading and starring tweets. Therefore, I consider myself cultured and pretty much a philanthropist.

    • 74
    • FAVS
    SoapyJohnsonPaulyMoshalthenestefivos_ukDaddyNick________allforandreakidphonicTarikaReddy
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    msred1973FredzipfelFavstar500FavsJumJovredherringbearitskellydTheNordicHammereveryotherstar
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    If your roommate's hands smell nauseatingly like peanut butter when she's sleeping, stop smelling your roommate's hands when she's sleeping.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    VikeeysSecretadamsirayNaitwaSwizzyJustinWHowesjust_evolvedpritamJAYKARalthenePaulyMosh
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    SoapyJohnsonMwanekihiMurumbakatymutemsykayaltheneTwyztedChyckPaulyMosh
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    You look like the kind of person who says commode.

    • 68
    • FAVS
    PaulyMoshaltheneYasminRefaeiallforandreaEhabFffffbakabekoFredzipfelDukeOfOyl________
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsJesTurtle________Versabilityfavstar_popgaak99____________ClubNettetheedmundwells____
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Just used my white belt with a black stripe karate skills to show this bug in my room who is boss. YES.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    PaulyMoshaltheneallforandreaEhabFffffbakabekoFredzipfeltheschmeltz5hael
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    PaulyMoshFavstar500Favs_LUMPDukeOfOyl________
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    I'm not religious so I don't partake in Lent. However, I'm aware of what a sacrifice is.

    And staying off social sites for 40 days isn't it.

    • 59
    • FAVS
    altheneYourEvilTwin______DaddyNick________allforandreakidphonicEhabFffffFredzipfelDukeOfOyl________
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsoBryanuzaidvazifdardafunlapMaxxxoxoiKhaleesi_ThaRizzy__________KassandraAyala
    shanethevein
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Professor: what do you read for pleasure; where do you get your news?

    Me: don't say twitter, don't say twitter, don't say twitter.

    • 63
    • FAVS
    VikeeysSecretPaulyMoshYourEvilTwin______allforandreakidphonicEhabFffffbakabekoFredzipfel
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    PaulyMoshFavstar500FavsMARSHALANDARChickenMclovinmojo_bones_Ray4295JesTurtle________DctorFun
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    "I hope you don't accidentally hit the button that shoots you out of the sunroof." - me, to my 7 y/o nephew messing with the seat controls.

    • 54
    • FAVS
    PaulyMoshYourEvilTwin______bakabekoFredzipfeltoekneedenbokBurgee66__________PinkiLaFleur______RockStar13arbie
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsmeat_tornado_Reverend_Scott24k_mex
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Classmate: do you have any Advil?
    Me: No, but I have Altoids.

    Is this why people find me useless?

    • 53
    • FAVS
    PaulyMoshbakabekorufusjonzCARBAJALmebrentsisleyFredzipfelDukeOfOyl________5hael
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsJesTurtle________redpawn3
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    I use hashtags as much as I floss. Or wait, as much as I make bad analogies. Or lie about flossing. Often.

    • 43
    • FAVS
    SnegurothkaPaulyMoshkidphonicFredzipfelDukeOfOyl________5haelleo_mak27Midgetspar
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    PaulyMoshTheNordicHammerAprylTheFirstshamroxmysox
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    There is one reason, and one reason only I am glad I am not a man. Sitting next to another guy, then suddenly, bam.

    The leg hair touch.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    PaulyMoshFredzipfelDukeOfOyl________5haelleo_mak27RitleySammichMidgetsparHallpassCanada
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    JesTurtle________TheNordicHammer
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Coffee shops are filled with two things I hate. The pungent aroma of coffee and people who casually integrate "betwixt" into conversation.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    YourEvilTwin______Fredzipfel5haeltitusbbleo_mak27RitleySammichHallpassCanadaRealSudoNim
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    GorrdanoTheNordicHammer
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    Not sure what I'm more upset about: a roommate's friend sitting in my Papasan chair or knowing his ass annihilated my secret Oreo population

    • 40
    • FAVS
    Fredzipfel5haelleo_mak27RitleySammichHallpassCanadaBensonNHICNMKULVME________mojo_bones_
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Stella1070JesTurtle________
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    I hate when people ask my who my favorite comedian is, I have to pull out my phone, scroll, and name each and every one of you.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    kidphonicFredzipfelJack9eight5KenPowell252NotJPoBoyCalledAnnDukeOfOyl________imabbylouise
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    DukeOfOyl________xoxocumprincess__JesTurtle________daisymay1017grammar_cuntMe_Nelacanadian_jane____TheNordicHammer
  • saraburzy
      Sara @saraburzy

    I would like riding in the car with my mom more if it wasn't a cigarette drenched eighty mile per hour Elton John concert on wheels.

    • 31
    • FAVS
    YourEvilTwin______Glenners_TKenGuernseyMyTrueStory328DaveParenteauskinny_vmotorlyingLadyButtmuffin____
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    KenGuernseymotorlyingStephPedalDownAh_kee_oh________chrismhaddixTheNordicHammersarahmclannylexipodolski
@saraburzy

@saraburzy