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Just gave making casual conversation with someone who wears sunglasses indoors a second try.
Still nope.
Apparently the conclusory note of "adios bitchachos" in my speeches will never be respected in this establishment.
I spend hours reading and starring tweets. Therefore, I consider myself cultured and pretty much a philanthropist.
If your roommate's hands smell nauseatingly like peanut butter when she's sleeping, stop smelling your roommate's hands when she's sleeping.
Just used my white belt with a black stripe karate skills to show this bug in my room who is boss. YES.
I'm not religious so I don't partake in Lent. However, I'm aware of what a sacrifice is.
And staying off social sites for 40 days isn't it.
Professor: what do you read for pleasure; where do you get your news?
Me: don't say twitter, don't say twitter, don't say twitter.
"I hope you don't accidentally hit the button that shoots you out of the sunroof." - me, to my 7 y/o nephew messing with the seat controls.
Classmate: do you have any Advil?
Me: No, but I have Altoids.
Is this why people find me useless?
I use hashtags as much as I floss. Or wait, as much as I make bad analogies. Or lie about flossing. Often.
There is one reason, and one reason only I am glad I am not a man. Sitting next to another guy, then suddenly, bam.
The leg hair touch.
Coffee shops are filled with two things I hate. The pungent aroma of coffee and people who casually integrate "betwixt" into conversation.
Not sure what I'm more upset about: a roommate's friend sitting in my Papasan chair or knowing his ass annihilated my secret Oreo population
I hate when people ask my who my favorite comedian is, I have to pull out my phone, scroll, and name each and every one of you.
I would like riding in the car with my mom more if it wasn't a cigarette drenched eighty mile per hour Elton John concert on wheels.
