In all of the paintings of Adam and Eve, they have belly buttons. RIDDLE ME THAT CHRISTIANS.

Hitler and the Jews. Still a better love story than Twilight

Sometimes I pretend my mouth is a wet pussy & a Big Mac is a hard throbbing cock that I’m just jamming in there like I’m my own face rapist.

Taylor Swift probably argues with the cashier over a week old coupon.

Why do bisexuals feel the need to tell everyone that they're bisexual?

I'm awesome, and I fuck dolphins.

"When Steve Jobs died, his life didn't flash before his eyes. Apple doesn't support flash"

Hey, what's that one Tim Burton film with Johnny Depp? The one where he wears eyeliner and there is that awkward girl?

S[he] be[fell in love with Stacy's mum]lieved

I hate how I always apologize when nothing is my fault.

Today was shit, my relationships in general are shit, my personality is shit, my tweets are shit, schools shit, I'm shit.

It's scary outside

Hey faggots, RT this for one of those shout-out things.

If you retweet the Wiz Khalifa inspirational quote account. You're doing Twitter wrong.

A man walks into a bar. The barman asks: “Why the long face?” The man says: “My mother was raped by a horse.”

guys that play instruments have a special place in my bed

*shared Kony video* I FIXED AFRICA

#WelcomeToMayfield: if you're not a Baptist or Methodist, you're a terrorist.

#WelcomeToGraves, our teachers recommend a hands-on teaching method.

What if Jesus was aborted?