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  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    The next episode of Mythbusters will refute everything I've ever said to women in a bar.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralsAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    So I was hanging out with some friends the other night and ... alright ... just kidding ... I don't really have any friends.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralsAndrea__B__BoleyngirlyMelvinofYorkKory_4d
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Nepotism: Hollywood is full of family success stories, yet, there is no Gabe Ruth, Morris Kasparov, or Kristina Navratilova.

    • 1
    • FAV
    SuMacDan
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    You know that the point of fantasy sports is to maximize the number of commercials you watch, right?

    • 5
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralsSarahFemmeSuMacDanAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Stoned doctors should open a clinic and call it High Heals.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Krystal_TXchemaliScobeyWanKenobiVeryHighYoda
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    MachmerJanine
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    "All my ex's are total jerks." ~Someone about to date another jerk.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ScobeyWanKenobiKeys_ToMe
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    #ruinadessert Been through a dessert on a horse with no name.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    OftenxScottLinnen
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Bud Lite Platinum? Seems like you could throw in another 5 cents and get real beer.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    MelvinofYorkScobeyWanKenobi
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    In a future virtual world, if you like someone, you can just drag them on top of you and release.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    MelvinofYorkDreamersWakeScobeyWanKenobi
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    "Been there, discovered that." ~Marco Polo.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralsScobeyWanKenobiAvatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Avatar_unknown_48
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Rest assured that your long-distance BF/GF is about to do it with someone else when s/he says: "I can't wait to have sex with you!"

    • 6
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralsDONTJIMMYMEJULZJulesJuliettaPspenny36ScobeyWanKenobiAvatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    JulesJuliettaAvatar_unknown_48
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Kenny A through F never sold a single record.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    WhirledRecordMetalligretchScobeyWanKenobi
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Doctor: Are you sexually active?
    Her: I usually just lay there and let him do all the work.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    sunshinedrearyGliTTeRnGaGaBrohamuletVerbsRProudestScottLinnenScobeyWanKenobiAvatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    VerbsRProudestGliTTeRnGaGa
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    What a man needs to commit to monogamy: a leash and a choke collar.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Fruit_SlingerScobeyWanKenobitrill_fawnAvatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    trill_fawn
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    To secure a job as a guard at Buckingham Palace one must maintain a stationary ass during the album version of Disco Inferno.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    timeblimpBoleyngirlyAvatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    timeblimp
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    I learned everything I know about chivalry by taking knight classes.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    SnarkToastScobeyWanKenobi
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ShaetanDarko
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    The wife just said she wanted to have sex! Then she got in the car and drove away ...

    • 5
    • FAVS
    redherringbearblondediva11slyoung5Stu_Monsterkimwilliamz
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Shouldn't the phrase "scarred for life" be shortened to just "scarred"? Can you be scarred for 7 years then paroled after 3?

    • 5
    • FAVS
    SuMacDanNickCasalinislyoung5crazylikeanoxkimwilliamz
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Avatar_unknown_48
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    "I like all butts and I cannot lie." ~Proctologists, probably.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    SuMacDanNickCasalinislyoung5kimwilliamz
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Avatar_unknown_48
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Isn't it pronounced "morning thickness"?

    • 7
    • FAVS
    RealPrincessKimB_RozayMelvinofYorkDonkeyJohnsoniGreenMonkcrazylikeanoxMisterBombay
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    iGreenMonk
@sarcazm2

@sarcazm2

My jokes will be here, all weak.