Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
This couple at the next table over put their phones down and are TALKING. Ugh. Get a room.
When I was a baby, I crawled with scissors.
I go to Thai restaurants just to use all my puns.
"Would you like Peppers on that?" ~Panthers then Bears now Packers.
Pro Tip: Set your clock ahead an hour tonight and get the jump on everybody.
Oh, I thought you said "grope hug." My bad.
I'm not that much fun. I'll put it back on the hook. Deflate the jam. Put a new roof on the mothersucker. Then lower it.
The next episode of Mythbusters will refute everything I've ever said to women in a bar.
So I was hanging out with some friends the other night and ... alright ... just kidding ... I don't really have any friends.
Nepotism: Hollywood is full of family success stories, yet, there is no Gabe Ruth, Morris Kasparov, or Kristina Navratilova.
You know that the point of fantasy sports is to maximize the number of commercials you watch, right?
Stoned doctors should open a clinic and call it High Heals.
"All my ex's are total jerks." ~Someone about to date another jerk.
Bud Lite Platinum? Seems like you could throw in another 5 cents and get real beer.
In a future virtual world, if you like someone, you can just drag them on top of you and release.
Rest assured that your long-distance BF/GF is about to do it with someone else when s/he says: "I can't wait to have sex with you!"
Kenny A through F never sold a single record.