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It's so cute how they call them "suspects" in the newspaper and TV when when everybody knows that they're guilty.
Why are there no romantic horror movies? Because that would be more like real life.
Should scotch be free? Yes: 100%; No: 0%
I go to yoga for the pants.
Yeah, sure, but have you ever PUSHED a groin muscle?
"Friday and I'm still married ..." ~The Cure, now, probably.
The league that pumps players full of steroids and faces them off in mortal combat is deeply disappointed by recent violent outbreaks.
Wounded sheep: Who hurt ewe?
I took some antibionics and now I'm no longer the Six Million Dollar Man.
I let my mouth do the talking.
I don't see a variable for blood-alcohol-content anywhere in the theory of relativity.
If we got rid of guns I bet there would be a National Fist Association.
What is dating like for people who work the graveyard shift? Do they go out for pancakes and orange juice, then go home and have sex?
The taller iPhone 6+ promises to take giraffe photography to the next level.
As a voter, I can't decide if I'm probiotic or antibiotic.
I'm sure the new iPhone is going to be totally different and have robot arms and do teleportation and stuff.
Remember, if you date that guy you met at the wine and cheese event, you'll be the one killing the spiders in the apartment.
Do people who work the graveyard shift have one-day stands?
Why is there not a holiday, three months after your birthday, to celebrate your dad hooking up with your mom?
I'll have a duodecuple espresso, please.