• G'Day!

    Please Sign In

    Favstar gets even better if you sign in.

    Here's why signing in is good for you.

    • You get a personalized view of Favstar based on the people you follow.
    • Your favs and retweets are collected instantly, meaning your status and stats get updated at blazing speeds.
    • Use lists to manage your friends, and keep on top of where the fav-love is happening.

    Your account is safe, of course!

    • We never see your twitter password.
    • We won't tweet or follow anyone without your permission.
    • We only use your API calls when you fav, retweet, or follow someone.
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    I buy Extra Slutty Olive Oil to save money.

    • 279
    • FAVS
    PussycatPlacepuntiousgodholioe_guliasAidanLaRocqueginisimov_whatever88______erinshina
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    GalaAinePussycatPlacepuntiousCaroleHaworth1_whatever88_______Bad_KarmaRealJinjaNinjaBictorEli
    XalqeeShadyCinderella
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    I wonder if Apple realizes that iOS7's dramatic, slow fade-ins and animations will keep drivers' eyes off of the road for longer?

    • 13
    • FAVS
    CarolineCaseyTaterTrashshayf_StexcyAphroditeAfter5slyoung5blog_junkieDriftLight
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    MaxeenVshayf_AphroditeAfter5blog_junkie
    shayf_
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    I pun with scissors.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    Ghetto_Trophyroadkill3xcynicanoldicusBoleyngirlyscarletvitattalil_dead_girl_RobotThomashurlarious
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    hurlarious_bLo0p_JustCallMeFrank
    hurlariousJustCallMeFrank
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    The Supreme Court has declared prunes unconstipational.

    • 52
    • FAVS
    SuMacDanMuffyTheFrogtobyhartertrosalifecoachfit______funnybeachgirlSunnyGirl1717mona_antoniablog_junkie
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsAllin_Funnmona_antoniaCRueliusJimmyCrapscornmrtruthandsoulLisabug74jonabbott_
    Midgetspar
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    I could lay on the couch for 18 hours and stage a chill-ibuster.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    llvvzzjelindafayeZwolf666BrattyBarbieMelvinofYorkSuMacDanLABeachmomlil_dead_girl_
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    jelindafayelil_dead_girl_
    lil_dead_girl_
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    My retirement plan is to save up for a hose to run from my exhaust pipe into my car window.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    llvvzzbyronblurbdanrgraberthongbeardampmodstech_pirateLeAnn0224sevenxx7
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Mindless4Milesmlccmcarcinomarama____FakeMe__ReverendEBW
    Mindless4Miles
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Why do married people always say that they never have sex? My wife just told me that she had sex like ten times last week.

    • 34
    • FAVS
    FarahIzzadon_Ms_Moneypenny_Zwolf666rockyhorscanadian_janellvvzzArrogant_Twatpanduhbitch
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    steerbullybatsflywestefyrtscwslyoung5avaricious1WeeeneeRyANDevYn________RichardXLent
    avaricious1
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    I can't let a foot hang off of the edge of the bed while I sleep, because, sharks.

    • 44
    • FAVS
    lifecoachfit______RichHarris22uesdaysgonecjcapbtMagoosbackJenny4ashleyventivodkacranDavidKinney
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    MagoosbackCaffeinatedRainMuffyTheFrogKemie_08canadasandraMansiBhatt28notorious_starsmadamefang
    MuffyTheFrog
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Blowing it way out of proportion sounds painful.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666takingavacaKali_MuraSuMacDankv8DirtMcTurdbyronblurbsweetg35
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Kali_Murasweetg35notorious_starsiVanillaGorillaSomeJBshitPeaceInTruth1Jay1972Jay
    Kali_Mura
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Twitter is the alley out back, behind the Internet.

    • 426
    • FAVS
    danchovyPussycatPlacecalluptomepuntious_Bad_KarmaalwayssmilebigRealJinjaNinjalissaloowhoo
    • 220
    • RETWEETS
    mitch1raughHugsPussycatPlacepuntiousRealJinjaNinjaAndee_StewartCptKarnageCpt_Karnage
    llvvzzeliserose5
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    Black Friday shoppers up this year, but sales are down. That's when 20,000 people stampede into the store but then say: "Just looking."

    • 20
    • FAVS
    Zwolf666HeyZeus666emsykayDeuceMixslyoung5TattooedMiseryllvvzzskunkyvictoria
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    aloosenooseBCSkimSwampFoxSlyCourtingMadnessMelvinofYork
    MelvinofYork
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    No more junkies humping on the bed.

    • 26
    • FAVS
    detroit_etlaneymgKeys_ToMethedailymarkerFredPollackSuMacDanrobocreepllvvzz
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Keys_ToMedomesticHHotNightInJoonJust_Kara_
    domesticH
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    My wife said she was in the mood for sex tonight. It's 11pm and she's still not home yet. Must be stuck in traffic.

    • 138
    • FAVS
    swisherr_tweetdresman92Andee_StewartCompradadactylmontgomaryrockJ_Donleylifecoachfit______CindySaysSo__
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    Andee_StewartCompradadactylmsalyssatuckerJ_Donleylifecoachfit______pcaryshelton______RichHarris2bigflav
    MelvinofYork
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    I think whiskey's reputation would vastly improve if they started putting Viagra in it.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    RamblingMachine__joshingsternOne_Classy_Bumsarita516scaffoldjockygrantwhitsitt____SaraESpiveyPeaceInTruth1
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    One_Classy_Bumsarita516SaraESpiveyTheKnight48SuMacDan
    SuMacDan
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    If I lost my arms, legs, and torso in a fight, I'd quit while I was a head.

    • 72
    • FAVS
    ItsBailey1692k6six6lifecoachfit______RichHarris2TheSwanDon2uesdaysgoneJenny4ashleyventivodkacran
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    PKholaifMayRostomItsBailey1692msalyssatuckerk6six6lifecoachfit______Lauren_Ipsum_brandiwastaken
    Just_Lee_1
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    YOFO: What people realize the day after they get married.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    SSDated_wangwebrokeninjaSuSuSuDonym______MoronycjaagermistressFarFromFunnyPORNOPINION
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    KittySaysMeeowDoubtTommyImSoSoVainlil_dead_girl_theballedtruthGraceOrGorgon____chelledempsey
    KittySaysMeeow
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    MnMA fighters throw candy at each other.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    MizBlueBallsiamkitsKittySaysMeeowSuMacDanrobocreepthedailymarker1Happytwitcynicanoldicus
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    robocreep
    robocreep
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    We're not too many years away from little old ladies sitting around reminiscing while listening to punk and thrash metal.

    • 32
    • FAVS
    sevenxx7Stella1070AdmiralSarcasmiamkitsHotlinkStrahotaohhnoitsmeaganMizBlueBallsKittySaysMeeow
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    HotlinkStrahotaohhnoitsmeaganMizBlueBallsDoubtTommydomesticHKeys_ToMethatfunnyjon
    domesticH
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    My kid just gave the UPS guy a tie.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    freebrdstairwayCpt_Karnage1HappytwitTuna_LoverZwolf666Stella1070XalqeeBashfullsmile
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    NicoAspelingCpt_Karnagepukdog3KeepinupwithBreerickarose22jrogasm__________TwiterHeroFakeMe4Life______
    jrogasm__________EricGoldie
  • sarcazm2
      sarcazm2 @sarcazm2

    My relationship is very psychological. She's psycho and I'm logical.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    Cpt_KarnageBonnieTPANotKarmaStella1070Zwolf666CuntemplateRatBagLemonXalqee
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    RatBagLemonthebeavsrandyjrrameo02DeePoet8705B1DaredevilzJJMwendwa________laurahapper______
    MelvinofYork
@sarcazm2

@sarcazm2

My jokes will be here, all weak.

Tweets from @sarcazm2 most recently awarded Tweet of the Day by Pro Members.