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The economy is so bad a man in a van asked me for candy.
Ran a 5cm tonight.
Perfected a new yoga pose called "still sleeping."
The lyrics to the Hokey Pokey sound like one of my failed attempts to get dressed.
After dropping something on the floor three times in a row I decide that's where it belongs.
Most people seem to have more of a learning "slope."
Ever think birds might be screaming not chirping?
As I was running I passed a few teens taking photos of themselves making duck faces so I tapped one on the head and yelled "goose!"
If you don't get along with anyone, have you considered a career in customer service?
There's a new version of Pilates where all you do stand in the shower and think about your core issues.
Clear plastic bra straps: we can see you.
I don't judge people. I silently grade them.
Every time someone sends me a text with "u" in it I assume Prince has taken over the conversation.
If you really want people to leave you alone, carry around your laundry.
If you have a tattoo in a language you don't understand it says "moron."
Wish I knew how to yodel. It looks like fun and really seems to annoy people.
The best way to scare a child is to jiggle underarm fat at them.
You say overdue bill, I say coaster.
Writer of haha, performer crawling back on stage.Creator/writer:Hey Lady! A Misguided Advice Column & more.http://heylady-asktabitha.com/ lifeofftherails.tumblr
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