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#TerribleOlympicSports Jumping To Conclusions
Facebook/Twitter challenge: I will donate $500,000 to any charity for each person who sends me a million dollars.
I just put the cat out. Have no idea how he caught fire.
A period is very versatile: it can end a sentence, a paragraph or the whole weekend #quote #writing
Tonight my girlfriend came home half drunk - she ran out of money #quote
I put the man in roMANtic, the us in enthUSiastic and the on in morON. Wait. That may not be right. Please stand by
This placebo could probably cure my hypochondria - but I'm afraid of an allergic reaction.
I watched Sesame St growing up, so it's no surprise I'm confused. Are frogs taller than pigs?
Forget driving while texting - for a real challenge, try driving while Photoshopping
Social media's confusing: Just got a friend request from Twitter on Facebook, now getting followed by Facebook on Twitter
#churchfilms The Nuns of Navarone
The iPhone was invented so you can check your email while your computer boots up.
Wise man say: He who eat beans with postage stamps soon be philatulent #quote
Tonight millions will be tweeting about going on dates. Correction: make that *instead of* going on dates. #quote
Abortion and Judaism: according to Jewish law, the fetus isn't viable until it graduates medical school.
Calling all lovers of acrimonious filth: get on Twitter - you won't believe what you're missing.
Newsflash - Walls in public toilets across US now 100% graffiti-free: everyone has Twitter.
Write this on your check to the IRS: "If it bounces let it slam, give my best to Uncle Sam." Then get an attorney
#OneWordTooMany. Rock and Tootsie Roll will never die!
Advertising executive, writer, so probably liar. Writing busily on my book about my days as a producer-director for MTV News.