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How can I pee two gallons from one fucking 12 oz can of beer???
I don't want much. Just you.
I am one good fuck away from falling in love with you. Be warned.
Don't think I won't fuck you just because you're a lesbian
This day can suck my ass.
Actually, no. My ass is amazing. Today doesn't deserve it.
Today can suck your ass.
But not you. Yours is mine
My daughter is forcing herself to fart in the tub.
I don't see this game ending well.
Where are you when all I need is a violent fuck and a smile.
Because life is too short not to smile every fucking day. ❤️
All you people tweeting about licking AVIs. Now I get it. You all taste fucking fabulous.
Imagining the look in your eyes
While I'm on my knees...
I printed your avi and pinned it to my pillow
You're the little spoon.
If only, just once, you could feel what I feel when you look at me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only thing my husband and I have in common, is that we both love pussy.
Fresh out of the shower, standing naked applying makeup. My 4yo walks in, blows raspberries into my butt cheek, turns and walks out.
WTF I'm already starting to remember your names. Stalking can't be far off now.
Just coughed my tampon right out. I've got a mini missile launcher.
Too fucking tired to be fabulous today. You guys will have to wait for tomorrow.
Had a bizarre dream that the hospital I work for had a sex floor.
My job was to wash down the walls...
I blame twitter.
4yo has my phone to play games. Had to log in on a real computer. You guys all look SO BIG!!
Not really a good thing for all of you.
@Karma82374 is my life, heart and soul Tweeting love ad nauseam... Apologies in advance