Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I fuckin love cake you guys
Spare no expense on quality toilet paper
Nice tits bro
Dear mr police officer. Thanks for hastling me while I park in front of my house. Your a dick! And having tattoos doesn't make me an ex-con!
So baked im dunking chocolate chip cookies in rum and coke
So many humans, so few recipes
When I hit 500 followers im gonna RT all my favorites so everyone unfollows. HA!
Smoking a cigg while sucking on a cough drop because im sick makes me a bad ass, right?
I now see why you guys get so excited when you get a star...
Is starring your own tweet kinda like jerking off?!?
How do I BLOCK myself?
Tonight seems like a good night to go to jail
Sarcasm is hard to detect in a one sentence tweet.
Is it weird that I like to wink?
I dont know if I like indecisive people
My grandma always used to say, if you wouldnt put your face in it, dont put your dick in it
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
One time this chick asked me to blow a crack hit up her butt
Im trying to break into this house and their dog keeps barking at me