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congrats on your 100th problem jay-z!
CALM DOWN GAS TANK WE'RE ALL EMPTY INSIDE
i don't think i can go back to a white president
porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid
congratulations to the 57 million new lesbians in america after that half time show!
almost hit a biker while i was texting & driving today so please you guys be careful do NOT ride bikes
a grindr but for nearby puppies to pet
north korea seems like somebody i would date
my legs are so white they just asked me to go to brunch sunday
i feel like there should be a prize for thinking about getting fast food at the end of the night but then not getting it
TESTIFY BILL CLINTON YOU BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMAN YOU
groupon are you crazy if i had laser hair i would never get it removed
the divorce rate among my socks is astonishing
"EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU" - facebook
i wonder if china has fancy plates called america
twitter = words without friends
god bless the 1st weatherman to dress as danny zuko & plead with sandy
shut up iphone we're all dying
if i'm ever on death row my last meal will consist of only confetti because whoops guess who'll be too dead to help clean up
i'm a comedian from arkansas. i live in LA. but i comede all over. http://t.co/IDfpvu1K please & thank you http://t.co/DksMNedC http://t.co/mEfCfx4l