damn gurl do you subscribe to daddy magazine cause you got issues

groupon are you crazy if i had laser hair i would never get it removed

white people sure love to watch things go in circles

casual sex should be more like casual friday so it's once a week and there are bagels

a grindr but for nearby puppies to pet

JUMPED OUT OF AN AIRPLANE STILL AFRAID OF LOVE

men gathering in a secret room to decide who dictates what catholic women can do with their bodies welp sounds like progress to me

porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid

an ashleymadison website, but for dogs that want to play with me while their owners are at work

i want to press charges against jake gyllenhaal (i call my boobs charges)

chris brown is into hitting women & gay men i had no idea he was a republican

my legs are so white they just denied a black person to a country club

bet clint eastwood felt real stupid when he found out it was manti te'os girlfriend in that chair & not obama

i assume whoever decided how to spell chihuahua was a cat person

hey phone what do you mean twitter is not responding did i hook up with twitter or something

that's inaccurate i have a home RT @uberfacts: A homeless woman in Los Angeles was offering blowjobs in exchange for chicken nuggets!

hallmark should make a card for being sorry you passed out before anything fun happened

first titanic now lincoln you guys are the worst stop it with the spoilers

i just sent my mom an email asking her not to vote for romney  http://bit.ly/Pwj2uU 

my favorite part of holding a baby is giving it back