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I didn't fall out of my car, it was interpretive dance, asshole.
I like people who listen, not people that just wait for their turn to speak.
Just finished my breakfast (coke and a cigarette) if anyone needs a life coach or nutritionist.
Nothing says "STARE AT MY CROTCH" like this belt buckle I just bought that says stare at my crotch.
Will you be my distraction?
"OMG look how many stars this tweet got", I say to my cats while sticking gold stars allover my phone screen.
Just read this great book on anti-gravity, I couldn't put it down!
Ugly is relative, you'll always be the most gorgeous person in the room when you're alone.
Didn't think I'd ever have to say "don't teabag the cat" and yet here we are....
Sorry I wasn't listening, what was that again? Wait, still not listening, ehh fuck it.
I love how every day someone on twitter reminds me to take my meds. What would I do without you? Prolly kill stupid people.
You guys know when you fav or RT me it just encourages me, right?
My boobs are down here asshole, show some fucking respect!
Who wants to come over cuddle and read to each other?
Got attacked by a monkey today. I mean it was stuffed and all, but it left some emotional scars.
Just because I'm wearing pink high heels doesn't mean I wont chase you down and beat you senseless. I'm crazy oh and on drugs
I don't like it when the cat watches me get dressed. It's like she's jealous I can change my fur colour, or something.
I'm not here with any other intent than tweeting. Not looking for love, sex, cyber sex, compliments. I'm just here, take me as I am.
It says people are following me. Should I be scared that I can't see anyone when I look out the window? Are they all ninjas?
ok, so maybe bedazzling the cat wasn't the best idea, but she asked for it... what the fuck else do they purr for?
Pure bad luck in a colourful candy shell. It's tasty and full of nutrition, like red and minerals!! but wait, there's more!