People, you've got it all wrong. I'm not a dumb whore, I'm just a whore.

I'm the influence. I want you under me.

If I'm just starting to creep you out now, I'm sorry.....for not creeping you out sooner.

Playing around with my twitter app makes me at least look like I'm checking texts from my imaginary friends..

Whenever I go food shopping I see the produce guy checking me out but he never makes a move. He needs to grow a pear.

I'm actually a sweet girl...once you soak me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream.

I have 3 boyfriends. Their nicknames are Pointer, Middle, and Ring.

Home is where the heart is. I can't remember where I hid the rest of the body.

I put the pro in prostitute.

So the dog is once again humping my leg...I'm seriously considering just giving in.

I don't see the point in buying a prom dress when I can just show up naked....

When my cats were kittens, I talked to them like adults. I didn't wanna baby them so that they wouldn't grow up and become pussies.

"I'd rather be naked right now."- uh, everyone.

"Watching pawn stars"- someone from Boston watching porn.

Don't worry about me, guys. I'm not dead, only on the inside. And that doesn't count.

If you're harassing people on here to the point where they're deleting every social network account they have, go fucking jump off a cliff.

You're better off undressing me with your eyes...my boobs and ass will be much bigger for your liking. I promise.

People expect me to remember their names when I can't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday.

Peeing must make me horny. My vagina gets wet every time I do it.

Musicians are always getting themselves in treble.