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Hold yourself accountable and remember what you learn. You are in charge of your own happiness.
If you send me marketing tweets, I send your IP address to my cousin the cannibal serial killer...with a bottle of chianti...
When it comes to coffee, I'm not exclusive. As much and as many as possible. I'm a coffee slut.
My goal this week is to find the best martini in Minneapolis... (everybody needs a goal)
Advil, water, coffee....no mas martini por favor
Dear Creator of Women's Yoga Pants, Thank you. Really, I mean it.
The longer the fuse, the louder the bang.
There is always one person from your past that will make your heart skip a beat when you run into them unexpectedly...
Sometimes when you lose, you win. It just takes a little time to sink in.
It doesn't matter if you look like Gilligan as long as you can fuck like the Professor #InappropriateButTrue
A glass of red wine can do wonders...
The greatest lesson that some people can give you is to learn how not to treat others...
Long. Fucking. Day. ===> Wine
The truth hidden is still a lie. Don't pretend you're protecting anyone. Own that your protecting yourself.
I'd rather have someone that appreciates my talents than waste them on someone that doesn't.
What I learned in 2011 is not to have another 2011.
Embarrassing admission. I am at Cheers in Boston.
I'm already dreaming of a 5:05 pm glass of Cabernet Sauvignon on the screen porch... (more coffee, please)
I am doing everything in my power not to spend $300.00 at Target...
If your beer gut is sticking out of your Golds Gym t-shirt, you might be losing points with the ladies. Trike motorcycle, it's not helping.
My real name is Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez O'Leary.