Hold yourself accountable and remember what you learn. You are in charge of your own happiness.

If you send me marketing tweets, I send your IP address to my cousin the cannibal serial killer...with a bottle of chianti...

When it comes to coffee, I'm not exclusive. As much and as many as possible. I'm a coffee slut.

My goal this week is to find the best martini in Minneapolis... (everybody needs a goal)

Advil, water, coffee....no mas martini por favor

Dear Creator of Women's Yoga Pants, Thank you. Really, I mean it.

The longer the fuse, the louder the bang.

There is always one person from your past that will make your heart skip a beat when you run into them unexpectedly...

Sometimes when you lose, you win. It just takes a little time to sink in.

It doesn't matter if you look like Gilligan as long as you can fuck like the Professor #InappropriateButTrue

A glass of red wine can do wonders...

The greatest lesson that some people can give you is to learn how not to treat others...

Long. Fucking. Day. ===> Wine

The truth hidden is still a lie. Don't pretend you're protecting anyone. Own that your protecting yourself.

I'd rather have someone that appreciates my talents than waste them on someone that doesn't.

What I learned in 2011 is not to have another 2011.

Embarrassing admission. I am at Cheers in Boston.

I'm already dreaming of a 5:05 pm glass of Cabernet Sauvignon on the screen porch... (more coffee, please)

I am doing everything in my power not to spend $300.00 at Target...

If your beer gut is sticking out of your Golds Gym t-shirt, you might be losing points with the ladies. Trike motorcycle, it's not helping.