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REDO: It's one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent perspiration, and forfty-seven percent making up numbers.
I’ve started shooting myself in the ankle, considering the feet are pretty much gone at this point.
“Fuck you, Mark Zuckerberg!” : Insult yelled at me by drunk derelict on 16th and Mission tonight. Best insult ever or best insult ever?
I'm going to bed an hour early so I can get a head start on reading everyone's daylight savings time zingers tomorrow
First day of teaching. Still have to go through Carl's Jr. drivethru and say, "Can't talk now, I've got a class to teach!" and drive off.
I drink to drown out the children’s screams from seeing me vomit out all that alcohol
I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of asses. I work in print design and sometimes do longform improv hey wait where're you going?