Yawns are a good indicator of how much cock she can take.

Shaved my snapper now it looks like Steve Buscemi's face after he got shot in Fargo.

You don't need to retweet someone's entire time line.

One or two will do donkey, one or two will do.

My sexual preference is orgasm.

If he gives you the remote blow him.

Million dollar idea - make a washer and dryer one fucking machine.

Ladies that draw on your eyebrows, please shave your head and draw hair on that too.

Why do birds suddenly appear...

Everytime a man sticks it in my rear.

Sung in the key of anal.

I think if every man got a blow job at the same time we could achieve world peace.

I always accidently draw my stick people with a stick penis.

I wonder how many men left me thinking they stuck their dick in crazy.

I'm starting to think sneezing in the tub is the closest I'll ever get to having sex in a pool.

Drinking a beer in the shower is awesome.

Carry on.

Breakfast sausage. Cause every girl deserves a little weiner.

Listening to music from before I was born makes me wonder what my mom fucked to. Super Tramp probably

I wonder how many farmers masturbate with a cow milking machine.

What's a seven letter word for I'll never finish a crossword?

You wouldn't think I hog the bed if you slept on the couch like a real man

For Halloween I'm going out as the bitch who steals kids candy when she's drunk.

Stupid auto correct, just told a dude I want him to stick his sock in my ass.