Keep in mind ladies, when fashion magazines tell you you need to be thinner, the articles are not written by heterosexual men. Curves good.

You will never impress a moron with your mind.

Fine line between genius and insanity....I walk that line everyday, motherfucker.

Stress: The confusion created when the mind overrides the body's desire to choke the shit out of some asshole who desperately deserves it.

Guys, yeah, we think we are sexually adventurous and kinky until we fuck that girl who fingers our assholes....

....then there are rules.

Your avi is just an aesthetic representation of your visual self......the real you is in your tweets....


......I see you.

Tylenol...liver damage
Advil....stomach upset
Aspirin....internal bleeding
Alcohol....liver damage
Weed....munchies

Choose wisely.

Every once in a while, you have to ask yourself.....Am I the asshole?

We spend the first two years teaching kids how to walk and talk, and then the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

Always take life with a grain of salt....

....and a slice of lime....

.....and a shot of Tequila.

The most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

Stress kills, people....sometimes you need to let go of the wheel because control is an illusion.

Animals are our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

I choose not to feel guilt. Why should I accept someone else's morality? People should find out what they are and be that.

Sometimes, crazy feels right.

For those people who say frick or beep instead of fuck....guess what? You're saying fuck. It's the intent, motherfuckers!

I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time....

I've forgotten this before.

Unfortunately for us heterosexual men, it never seems to rain women.

Anyone can insult or retaliate, but when someone can smile quietly in the wake of an insult, he or she makes a fool out of the mental midget

Sometimes I eat meat without silverware in front of my cat so I can impress her with what an awesome predator I am.