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I'm wearing a wedding dress in my Tinder profile photo.
Is 8am too early to complain about being sober?
I'm the coolest person at this stop sign.
The difference between weird and eccentric is a tax bracket.
I'm not a bombshell, I'm a bomb threat.
Wearing my bathrobe backwards like a ghetto snuggie.
All of my friends live in my phone.
I'm not always a mess, but when I am, I'm hot.
I have only have had 2 boyfriends in my life. One is now gay and the other one is probably gay and married to me.
The fastest way out of the friend zone is with a $100 bar tab at lunch.
We should take a nap.
I can't wait for the time to change so all of the clocks in the house will be right again.
How many calories can I burn pretending to not care?
Oh hang on, let me put my fuck you hat on.
When the heated seats are on in the car I am always scared that I accidentally peed my pants, but really it's just the heated seats.
Let's go start a bar tab.
Lingerie is tacky, uncomfortable, and still considered clothes. Save your money, ladies and just get naked.
Romance isn't dead, it's just resting so go outside and play for awhile.
I'm going as myself for Halloween. That's probably scary enough.
People who call themselves crazy, aren't. People who say they are normal, are.
#I #am #delightful. http://favstar.fm/users/scoccaro
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