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Wearing my bathrobe backwards like a ghetto snuggie.
I'm the coolest person at this stop sign.
do i have to be a single, stay-at-home mom who wallows in her own low self-esteem to blog, or can anybody do that?
Oh hang on, let me put my fuck you hat on.
you know youre tweeting a fat chick when her picture is her dog
hating people who refer to a cup of coffee from starbucks as "a starbucks".
Cheese is the cocaine of the dairy family.
I'm not saying you're gay, just that you know what a dick tastes like.
i will only friend high school people if they look like they have gotten fat.
WHAT IN TARNATION
fuck your personal brand.
im pregnant with my work boyfriends baby.
just because it is easter doesnt mean you can dress like a fag.
What? I'm out of blinker fluid? Again?
i think im going to learn how to skateboard so i have something to talk about when i try to pick guys up at the middle school.
I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT I HAVE A BELLY BUTTON
watching House, taking a Vicodin every time he does.
Going running with a stomach full of drugs and booze. What a fucking awesome idea that was.
first person to rt me gets a shout out to my shared office space and a signed nothing from me!