Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
All I want for Christmas is abs and 1,000 more followers.
I still play Words With Friends like it's 2010.
If I've never used a semicolon in a text to you, it's because I don't like you.
I just cried three different times. #Knope2012
Growing up is buying watches without backlights.
Nobody gets me like my music on shuffle gets me. Nobody.
Just because I'm too tired to tweet my narcissism doesn't mean it isn't happening.
I'm a little more gay than I was before the halftime show.
Can't wait until I don't have to draw my abs on anymore.
Not 100% sure I didn't just use dog shampoo. #nofleas?
iPhone just autocorrected 'samzurs' to 'samezies.' This must be what Will Smith felt like at the end of iRobot. I've conquered the machine.
Sometimes I forget I have large tattoos. Looked in the mirror and thought I was Kat Von D.
Resolution: To not use the letter 'k' unless absolutely necessary. (I'm looking at you, __ardashians.)
There's bird poop on my windshield outside of widerblade range. NOW WHAT?!
people will know when they see this show what kind of guy i am.