Thank GOD someone re-uploaded this video of @sethrudetsky deconstructing Turkey Lurkey Time. It is EVERYTHING.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caFSvW6NxDA …

Just confirming that he literally just crushed that girl. Like landed on her head and pinned her to the stage. Okay.

I really like when the other artists sing along in the audience. EXCEPT TAYLOR SWIFT WHO IS A DISGUSTING GARBAGE PERSON.

Trying to figure out what Nicki Minaj is going to do about the line about Selena in Beauty and a Beat is stressing me worse than the SATs.

Granted I'm not buying what she's selling, but Taylor Swift literally has the sexual appeal of the Holocaust.

So sad that now the Russian gymnastics team has to be put to death :(:(:(:(

I'm not saying I understand PTSD, but sometimes I think about the physical fitness test from high school.

THANK GOD WE HAVE GUNS BECAUSE THIS COUNTRY WOULD BE PRETTY SCARY IF WE DIDN'T RIGHT ID ALMOST BE AFRAID TO SEND MY KIDS TO SCHOOL

Last night three gay men sat at my kitchen table and complained about how hard it is to do our hair like Justin Timberlake's.

Don't ask a Disney security guard if they need to search the bags under your eyes. They're not in the mood.

.@barackobama Do you have diarrhea? I would have SUCH diarrhea.

It's so hard to keep track of Pitbull's songs because he has such versatility and they all sound so different.

Raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by level 65 on Candy Crush Saga.

I've never felt a greater sense of community than when everyone on the top floor of the library all snap their heads at someone making noise

When I have my own talk show, every Friday will be Fantasia Friday and Fantasia Barrino will be on for the whole hour.

It's actually a miracle God kept making people after Paul McCartney.

"That wasn't good," I said about an Olympian while dipping pretzels in salsa

Please RT if you agree that Mary-Kate Olsen looks radiant and well-nourished at the #MetGala. http://t.co/f9FzKqZE

Always said I would take my lip ring out the night of graduation. We're having some difficulty. This isn't staged. pic.twitter.com/El3C9Wcd5E

I've been smoking a cigar for about seven straight hours now.