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A week after Oscars & I'm still reading complaints by women offended by joke about their "innate ability to never let anything go."
"Jesus Christ, get a look at these fucking idiots." - if my dad had introduced The Beatles instead of Ed Sullivan
"They should do a reality show about us!!!" - groups of drunken women all over America right now.
Next to murder, the worst thing a human being can do is wave their arms slowly back and forth over their heads at a concert.
Amy Poehler has never won an Emmy. Whether you're in the TV academy or not, vote now & correct the biggest injustice in history of mankind.
This power outage is the worst thing to ever happen in the Superdome.
The last guy who questioned my masculinity got a face full of lavender tea.
"Don't worry, this reality TV shit will be gone in a year." - me to room of TV writers in 2005
Can't wait to see "Gotham" to learn how Officer Gordon became Commissioner Gordon. Hoping for lots of test-taking and waiting for scores.
Before I watch any new network comedy, I say to myself "This better be filled with diversity."
I was horrified by the non-stop hitting, name-calling & hair-pulling in "Bully." Then I realized I was in "3 Stooges" and it was hilarious.
OSCAR FUN FACT: To become Abraham Lincoln, during filming, Daniel Day-Lewis ate nothing but pennies.
Wasn't "Coachella" the Jerry Lewis movie where he had to dress as a woman to coach a girls' basketball team?
WRITING TIP: Every movie should start with a close-up of an alarm clock going off and a hand clumsily trying to silence it.
I have a "beach body" in that I look like I washed ashore weeks ago.
Spielberg's "Lincoln" completely glosses over his vampire hunting years.
I'm pretty sure the last thing I'd say to somebody with a gun to my head is "You'll never get away with this."
NRA guy forgot to blame romantic comedies for all the love-crazed people running through our airports.
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