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A week after Oscars & I'm still reading complaints by women offended by joke about their "innate ability to never let anything go."
"They should do a reality show about us!!!" - groups of drunken women all over America right now.
Next to murder, the worst thing a human being can do is wave their arms slowly back and forth over their heads at a concert.
This power outage is the worst thing to ever happen in the Superdome.
The last guy who questioned my masculinity got a face full of lavender tea.
"Don't worry, this reality TV shit will be gone in a year." - me to room of TV writers in 2005
Before I watch any new network comedy, I say to myself "This better be filled with diversity."
I was horrified by the non-stop hitting, name-calling & hair-pulling in "Bully." Then I realized I was in "3 Stooges" and it was hilarious.
OSCAR FUN FACT: To become Abraham Lincoln, during filming, Daniel Day-Lewis ate nothing but pennies.
WRITING TIP: Every movie should start with a close-up of an alarm clock going off and a hand clumsily trying to silence it.
I have a "beach body" in that I look like I washed ashore weeks ago.
Spielberg's "Lincoln" completely glosses over his vampire hunting years.
I'm pretty sure the last thing I'd say to somebody with a gun to my head is "You'll never get away with this."
NRA guy forgot to blame romantic comedies for all the love-crazed people running through our airports.
For the 61st year in a row, Miss Universe is from Earth. Yawn.
Attention Scriptwriters: the character of a 20-something girl who is "beautiful, but doesn't know it" does not exist in the real world.
Every 10 seconds, a 22 year old girl's cell phone dies...
ATTN FILMMAKERS: Is it possible the future won't be colored a bleak greenish gray with constant rain, or are you really sure of this?
Simpsons, Parks & Rec, Raymond, Dads, and lots of canceled shows