A week after Oscars & I'm still reading complaints by women offended by joke about their "innate ability to never let anything go."

"They should do a reality show about us!!!" - groups of drunken women all over America right now.

Next to murder, the worst thing a human being can do is wave their arms slowly back and forth over their heads at a concert.

The last guy who questioned my masculinity got a face full of lavender tea.

This power outage is the worst thing to ever happen in the Superdome.

So when @chrisbrown is mad at a girl, he punches her, but when he's mad at a guy, he writes a song.

I was horrified by the non-stop hitting, name-calling & hair-pulling in "Bully." Then I realized I was in "3 Stooges" and it was hilarious.

I'm glad @tidycats is verified. I've been fooled so many times by fake cat litter accounts.

OSCAR FUN FACT: To become Abraham Lincoln, during filming, Daniel Day-Lewis ate nothing but pennies.

WRITING TIP: Every movie should start with a close-up of an alarm clock going off and a hand clumsily trying to silence it.

Spielberg's "Lincoln" completely glosses over his vampire hunting years.

NRA guy forgot to blame romantic comedies for all the love-crazed people running through our airports.

Attention Scriptwriters: the character of a 20-something girl who is "beautiful, but doesn't know it" does not exist in the real world.

For the 61st year in a row, Miss Universe is from Earth. Yawn.

ATTN FILMMAKERS: Is it possible the future won't be colored a bleak greenish gray with constant rain, or are you really sure of this?

Very touching moment at Whitney Houston funeral when Bobby Brown walked up to casket and went through her pockets one last time.

How do real partners in crime jokingly introduce themselves to people?

New Ben & Jerry's flavor: "Todd Akin's Legitimate Grape!"

"Enter Sandman" and "Mr. Sandman" are probably my two favorite songs about sandmen.

"I'm with the bland." - Matchbox 20 groupie.