so what you're telling me is that Jay Leno is supposed to be funny?

"I can't wait." Translation: I would rather sever my limbs with a dull butter knife than have to do this.

@jallien205 ZOO????!!!!!

Dear Santa: I've behaved (as best I could) this year. So in no particular order, please: a lobotomy, a boat, & some socks. #xmaseve

I'm listening. I'm just resting my eyes. #sleepworking

Listen, Tuesday. I have no use for u or any of ur drama today. I'm putting on my headphones to drown u out & pretend ur Wednesday.

"she now & then could not restrain a witty, sarcastic speech that cut deeper than she intended...."

Jacko Montoya & The Western Grips #mynewbandname

Happy Full Beaver Moon: http://t.co/7QjnoTHw #cantbelieveimnota12yearoldboy

If my dreams are at all accurate, when the time comes, u'll want me on ur Zombie Apocalypse team. Trust me on this. #horrorflicksbeforebed

Ah, just the kick in the balls I was looking for today...thank you, L7. @jennifinch

War to clear a dancefloor. #dumpa

If anyone is looking for me, I'm the broad in the white n pink checkered bikini who looks like a veal cutlet. #coveredinsand

@snarkninja haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Ok .That's it ... I want to be a scientist. Where do you sign up to be one of them wicked smart types?

"All I wanna hear from your ass is, no problem,Jules, I'm on the mo' fo. Go back in & wait for the calvary which should be coming directly."