Just saw a cop with a face tattoo which means somewhere there is a dead naked cop.

Lamar Odom is always nailing 3's. On court and off the court.

Bob Dylan, Wilco and My Morning Jacket are going on tour. If you're a babysitter prepare to make more money than you've ever dreamed of.

My grandmother is now into Dubstep, I hate that she makes us call her Phyllex.

This is the worst thing that's ever happened to New Orleans.

When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.

The Mya calendar ended in 2002.

U R MY CHRIS BROWN. #candyheartrejects

Thank you @billcosby. Thank you for the greatest mystery of the year. RT @billcosby Thank you @selenagomez. Thank you for you know what!

I'm still waiting for my baby dick to fall out.

COOL! Bane's about to come out!!!

No Means Yes. #candyheartrejects

The parents in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory handle the death of their children like fucking champs.

What the Beatles did is even more astounding when you realize that they didn't have The Beatles as an influence.

If you're ever wondering why I'm so nervous all the time, it's because I talk shit about everyone I know.

In the last episode of House, House becomes a Home.

If you were wondering what it would look like if a Dorito wished he was a boy, it would be Guy Fieri.

"Excuse me, can you please let me finish stammering?" - Mitt Romney #debate

Mitt Romney is what happens when John Cusack doesn't win the girl at the end of the movie. #debate

So, now it's illegal to eat homeless guys faces? Fuck you, Florida!