Victoria Station evacuated, don't travel there or near.

.@glinner So the Shell thing is a spoof, the Durex ad is a spoof. Is ANYTHING linked on Twitter real? WAIT THIS FREE IPAD SEEMS LEGIT.

I just had a horribly chilling thought of just how many people will be standing on the left of Tube escalators during the Olympics.

In other news, that's the oven wrong again until March. This half of the year is known as 'Microwave Time'.

@sarahmillican75 PENIS DELUGE.

And now we watch as Huw and Hazel drag a screaming Trevor Nelson to the top of the sacrificial pyramid, and appease the Twitter Gods.

It's always sad to see a Westlife get separated from the rest of its pack. It'll probably get picked off by Romania in a minute. #eurovision

That man is getting his smudgy fingerprints all over that lovely Perspex and it's upsetting me. #eurovision

Absolutely gorgeous. RT @ratbanjos: Look at the photo I took! LOOK! #Olympics #RedArrows http://t.co/88U95dUj

Does anybody have any studio photography equipment they're wanting to sell off? Softboxes on stands, tall backdrops etc. An RT would be ace.

People who retweet Christmas countdown tweets need rounding up, carting off to Lapland and leaving on a mountain wearing nothing but socks.

It's like some hideous MIDI backed monstrosity created by colliding Cascada and Shakira together in a particle accelerator. #eurovision

Fair enough, you're playing Foursquare, check in and get your points. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD UNCHECK THE TWITTER SHARE BOX. We don't CARE.

I am loving the fact that a member of GLC is now a councillor for Newport. Pfft. 'With all due respect sir, your mum has a penis.'

Let's hope they never discover sex. RT @planetjedward: #JEDWARDfact Jedward never Ask for
Permission Only Forgiveness

Paralympic Opening Ceremony tonight, featuring a nation's comedians repeatedly half-writing tweets and hitting backspace.

@quantick maplin already have an account '@maplintweet', this @maplinstore is likely to be another fake promo ipad account. Reg'd today.

500 people watching a video of a man with a massive beard sensually saying words in alphabetical order. #Boring2012

Victoria Station has now reopened.

Unfortunately the pick n mix is marked as 15 miles away in a lake. RT @michaelrundle: WOOLWORTHS! IOS MAPS BRINGS BACK WOOLWORTHS!