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Ugh I always get A Bug's Life and Human Centipede confused anyways sorry I ruined your kid's birthday
Don't cry because it's over, smile because you lit your ex's house on fire
THIS IS A TWEET FOR THE BROS: How many bats are suppose to be in my man cave? I got like 10 and they're destroying everything
It's weird how on the first day of April every year my dad sends me a text saying "I love u son lol"
The fourth wise man brought socks and Mary was like "…socks? You're not gonna be in the story gtfo"
How come when Enrique Iglesias is all "i can be ur hero baby" he gets babes, but when i say it i get pepper sprayed in an Arby's parking lot
Just saw a man biting his string cheese instead of peeling it and I was like "there are children here, you monster"
Kendrick Lamar's Thanksgiving Dinner Speech:
My Hit Single
Haha But Forreal
Ugh. So embarrassing. We're the only family in this church dressed up as bunnies
Why can't giraffes swing their necks around like really fast and make the raddest helicopters
Flavor Flav whispering to himself "fuckin' hate daylight saving time" as he changes his 300th clock necklace
damn señorita u put the loca in holocaust haha wait babe where u going
I Beyonce was Beylost, but now I'm Beyfound
Ok, I've snapped my fingers. Now what... I do my step?? I CAN'T DO THIS ALL BY MYSELF
Home Alone 5: We Forgot About Dre
1. Go to Starbucks
2. Tell them your name is Versace
4. Barista calls your name many times
5. Barista is Drake
6. why did u do this
Wow mom u got Hi-C and not Capri Sun? DO YOU WANT EVERYONE IN SCHOOL TO HATE ME? YOU DO DONT YOU
Sir do you know how fast you were going on this 35 MPH speed limit road? 69 MPH. You are the raddest dude alive pls take my badge and gun
•dining hall jorts
•dining hall rollerblades
Jesus has risen? In this economy?