Republican 2012 slogan: "We fucked the economy, but their guy's black".

Yesterday, a guy told me that my body is insane. I thanked him and told him he should see my personalities.

Attn GOP: Nobody wants a fucking handout. People just want you to stop letting corporations send the jobs away & then rewarding them for it.

Remember guys...a girlfriend will stick her tongue in places your wife won't.

And remember that if Obama hadn't won, we would have 2 more RWNJ's in the Sup. Court, we'd be in a depression, and McCain would be president

President Obama could find the cure for cancer and the GOP would say , "Why is he taking jobs away from cancer cells?"

Has anyone noticed that its super hard to sext while driving and hold the vibrator in place?

Rick Perry better be careful or Texans are gonna notice how dumb he is.

For every woman getting birth control from Planned Parenthood, there's a man saving 18 years of child support payments.

The only thing worse than a frothy mix of fecal matter and semen is the actual Rick Santorum.

I was just on the roof working and I realized it was the first time I've ever used kneepads for actual contruction work.

Attention guys with fanny packs...don't do that.

Sometimes I forget how good an orgasm is until I have one...

Question: People who use avi's of yourselves taken with a phone in a mirror...do you not even have 1 friend who can take a picture of you?

OK, I'm back on Twitter because I couldn't find a life.

I didn't think butt plugs were so big. :-/

Life's too short not to tweet every last fucking detail of it.

Santorum doesn't believe in birth control 'cause it allows for "free sex". Surely that will go over well with all those cheating Republicans

"I love coming here to Israel. All the circumcised penises are the right size." ~ Mitt Romney

I was gonna go take one of those bathroom pics of myself in the mirror, but I don't like the way my bathroom looks