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So I guess some stranger now knows my LinkedIn password. That makes one of us.
GOP strategy: refuse to kick a field goal because it's not a touchdown, lose by two points, blame the fans, burn down the stadium.
Well, I got eliminated in the first round of the Food Network show "Don't Masturbate Into the Food!"
I was using the other side of the pillow before it was cool.
The only new Twitter profile design that its users would like is an actual cave they can live in.
It's nice to see TV execs blaming audiences for no longer liking comedy rather than themselves for proactively making their shows shitty.
I can bench press a whole eel.
Chud·ly (adj.) : in the manner of a CHUD : "With a chudly flourish, he horked down another hobo head."
2013 will be the year I finally stop thinking that line in "Hungry Like the Wolf" is "I'm lost and I'm found / I smell like I sound."
Due to a clerical error by the Make-A-Wish people, I'm spending the day with Bruce Springstein, a subcontractor from Akron. We're grouting.
Everyone! Please tell me more about your minor inconveniences!
I love that TLC show where the friends of a Russian oligarch try to talk him out of buying a private plane, Say Nyet to the Jet.
When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way. When you're a Shark you're a Shark for a week.
Do something nice for someone today. Actually, make it two people, you selfish peen.
If you are what you eat then I guess this python is now my Uncle Phil.
TV Writer (MAD, Puppet Nation, good ol' days of The N). Advocate for OCD sufferers. Formerly The-Seth.
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