Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
So I guess some stranger now knows my LinkedIn password. That makes one of us.
GOP strategy: refuse to kick a field goal because it's not a touchdown, lose by two points, blame the fans, burn down the stadium.
Well, I got eliminated in the first round of the Food Network show "Don't Masturbate Into the Food!"
I can bench press a whole eel.
Chud·ly (adj.) : in the manner of a CHUD : "With a chudly flourish, he horked down another hobo head."
Everyone! Please tell me more about your minor inconveniences!
2013 will be the year I finally stop thinking that line in "Hungry Like the Wolf" is "I'm lost and I'm found / I smell like I sound."
Due to a clerical error by the Make-A-Wish people, I'm spending the day with Bruce Springstein, a subcontractor from Akron. We're grouting.
When you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way. When you're a Shark you're a Shark for a week.
Do something nice for someone today. Actually, make it two people, you selfish peen.
If you are what you eat then I guess this python is now my Uncle Phil.
It's going to be a great two weeks of watching the world's greatest athletes being made fun of by unemployed cockbags on Twitter.
I'm what's called a "human fart." I make a huge impact on everyone I encounter, then a moment later I'm completely forgotten.
Reminder: Using Twitter to make fun of people who are doing something with their lives doesn't count as doing something with your life.
I don't normally like to brag about my superpowers, but... I could disappear for months, and no one would even notice.
TV Writer (most recently for MAD on Cartoon Network) | Formerly The-Seth