Waddya lookin' at ma gutfer?! Quit ookin' at ma gut.

Oh hai, @jasonzabel !!!! http://t.co/uq9hE0nq

So many hippy moms pulling wagons around Seward today

The rhythm got me.

I am looking for a main bitch as well as a mistress #flocka

How u gonna eat a bone sandwich!!? RT @jiujitsu_jedi why doesn't a McRib have any bones?

Sometimes instead of working I just sit and look at photos of baby animals on my phone.

My dog is tearing my world apart http://t.co/tCl8bIvI

I just remembered I lost my shirt at the Saloon. Then some dude in the parking ramp traded me a shirt for my sister's number.

My Speedy Rewards points are my retirement plan.

Thats gold Andy! Gold! RT @andyerikson i wish there was a way to describe how i feel about cat's pajama's without being redundant.

This is quite #amazing  http://instagr.am/p/UogmMxwtDA/ 

RT @jasonzabel a house really isn't a home until you have cable teevee

What is the color of fart?

#yopo http://t.co/ytPqhfbJ

Dont you hate it when you have a good idea and someone has already thought of it??? http://t.co/LBceeTXS

I don't want to get away for the weekend, I want to sit in my home and do nothing.

FiberNow™ now, but what later?

There was a woman breastfeeding on my plane. I wonder if the TSA made sure there was only 3.4 oz of milk in there.

Dinosaurs at the MN Zoo? Didn't they see Jurassic Park 2??