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Being a child: "Great job! You went to the doctor! Lollipops!!"
Being an adult: "You shouldn't have driven after you heard that noise. $847"
*picks up cat's left paw* no wedding ring? Interesting.
I don't suffer from depression; depression suffers from me.
Sluts are just regular girls with a higher success rate.
I hate how if a guy sleeps with a million girls, he's a stud. But if I do it, I'm a lesbian.
cannabis is not a gateway drug that leads to harder drugs, it's more of a drive thru drug that leads to cheese burgers and chicken nuggets.
Some of the best memories are embedded while in bed.
Behind every great woman is a guy looking at her ass....
Never stop being the girl your man wants to show off.
I would rather spend my money on experiences than possessions. Memories last forever.
forget your age, just live your life.
I only meet my vegetarian friends in public places because I can't have that kind of negativity in my home.
Relationship Status: The wet spots on my bed are dog drool
The digital picture frame that sits on your desk at work but it's just all your favorite gifs
I don't have anything in common with people that say they aren't hungry.
If everywhere you go, there's a problem.... Guess what?
Many things in life will catch your eye,
But only few will catch your heart and calm your soul,
Chase those things passionately
*drums out the solo from "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins on the desk with 2 pens during my disciplinary meeting with HR.
Offend someone in a new way today.
to all of my many many twitter friends (ha), im going to be a grandmother! this is my 1st official announcement. yeah, my cat is a slut.
head of social @Futurism
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