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My girlfriend pissed me off so I let the air out of her and put her back in the closet
I call my tweets A cups because they all get ignored.
I never fuck up, unless she's on top.
the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but the path to glory is littered with fuck-ups.
I did not fail 100 times, I succesfully found 100 ways that will not work.
How about a radio station that plays nothing but porn music?
4 out of the 5 voices in my head told me to stay home and clean my guns today.
I have a drink before my AA meetings so I can be more sociable.
I thought I found a bunch of weed in the trash can, but it turned out to be Oscar the Grouch :(
My fortune cookie msg says I should get in touch with my feminine side. I can't believe I have a feminine side and haven't touched it yet!!!
I only fuck up when she's on top.
Kid: "Mom, where do babies come from?" Mom: "Storks bring them dear."
Kid: "Dad fucked a stork?"
I'd rather be drunk, in bed, watching the Breakfast Club.
i tried using a ouija board once. It spelled out F-U-C-K-Y-O-U
I read most accidents happen near home, so I moved.
Is masturbating to twitter normal?
She said she liked my dick! Then she added she used to have one just like it :-(
if u use your baby as an avi and tweet sick shit, totally blocked!
I generally followback anybody, except pornbots, corporate executives, authors of boring novels, and douchebags.
4 out of 5 voices in my head said I should've stayed home and cleaned my guns today.
Dysfunctional Vet. Total metalhead. Your dirt road of misinformation and college of useless knowledge. Property of crazy bitch @tat2dmedusa1 #dazedandconfused