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My girlfriend pissed me off so I let the air out of her and put her back in the closet
I call my tweets A cups because they all get ignored.
the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but the path to glory is littered with fuck-ups.
I never fuck up, unless she's on top.
I did not fail 100 times, I succesfully found 100 ways that will not work.
I have a drink before my AA meetings so I can be more sociable.
How about a radio station that plays nothing but porn music?
I thought I found a bunch of weed in the trash can, but it turned out to be Oscar the Grouch :(
4 out of the 5 voices in my head told me to stay home and clean my guns today.
She said she liked my dick! Then she added she used to have one just like it :-(
My fortune cookie msg says I should get in touch with my feminine side. I can't believe I have a feminine side and haven't touched it yet!!!
I read most accidents happen near home, so I moved.
Kid: "Mom, where do babies come from?" Mom: "Storks bring them dear."
Kid: "Dad fucked a stork?"
i tried using a ouija board once. It spelled out F-U-C-K-Y-O-U
RELAX, I work for the government. I'm here to help!!!
I only fuck up when she's on top.
I'd rather be drunk, in bed, watching the Breakfast Club.
if u use your baby as an avi and tweet sick shit, totally blocked!
Is masturbating to twitter normal?
I generally followback anybody, except pornbots, corporate executives, authors of boring novels, and douchebags.
Dysfunctional Vet. Total metalhead. Your college of useless knowledge and dirt road of misinformation. In love with @ginahutchins203 #dazedandconfused