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  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    Howdy, rich people! You've got your tax cuts! I'm totally ready for you to hire me for one of the hundreds of jobs I applied for last year.

    • 170
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    KimKardashsToeCheeseboy22JakeIstKrieggrumpysalmonMrDysphemismOurGustwordsfromjennlawr11
    • 819
    • RETWEETS
    nflbondstinksmonicaisliberalbillyadams64laurentheredjpmcdonaldTerzoandTerzoagentksilversime0n
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    "I check my Privilege." "Roll high!" "Ew...1." "You start arguing that being punk rock in school was like being a minority." #TwitterDnD

    • 174
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    chellenatorindirecttoorsdenoteMr_Finn_McCoolpolarisnorthcarmiendoMechaMorganredsonya
    • 402
    • RETWEETS
    SteveEades88SarahHitchens1seh_mcbip_marzipKendraSerragiantspatuladanvellemandiziara
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    If you've always felt sort of funny-looking and hate going places, don't worry. You're just supposed to be old. Wait it out.

    • 80
    • FAVS
    TJ_WhiteheadMadameLaCroozWookieOnUnicornJakeIstKrieggrumpysalmonMrDysphemismwordsfromjennJennyPentland
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    CollinsKateOfficialLaurenR__SacampbeRyoReznoralliekyffLoudLauraElenaemcsquare2ohoh69
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    A bad analogy is worth its weight in gloves.

    • 87
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    TJ_WhiteheadJakeIstKriegthejessbesstweetJill22elkepancakegrumpysalmonjimmykinkadeMrDysphemism
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    TJ_WhiteheadtweetJill22grumpysalmoniQueCuriosoroundtripelizabethperrywhynotannasoundgenius
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    If life hands you lemons, chop off its hands and wear them as horrifying antlers because you're a monster, a monster with antlers of life.

    • 52
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    izombieifitznshitsTJ_WhiteheadJiminyKicksItWookieOnUnicornJakeIstKrieggrumpysalmonMrDysphemism
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    fitznshitsfavstar50eheatcaleigardensclarkemywordsjjdactylLMaglescrazy_caity24
    WookieOnUnicornjefftminston
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    Can't Wake Daddy #DepressingToys

    • 46
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    TJ_WhiteheadJakeIstKriegphranqueighgrumpysalmonMrDysphemismjordylynnegarvieLaLongman
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    thAfterPartySMGafanhaDjStrapzkelseyfoyanghuggChrisInHDHikiMadwomanfreestuie
  • sgnp
    • 45
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    MadameLaCroozmenialmooseKevinDeanGanderbeingfrenchieLust_n_LunacytimbalionJessicaWinchellmikaelawillie
    • 72
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    kkaylanicolesararickjamesmelysehirzelarbar123call_me_mauricelottiedottie_mfettsb2011_84
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    Dear Syrio Forel, How about today? If inconvenient, no reply needed. - Death #RavensThatGetNoReply cc: @gameofthrones

    • 29
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    VZyaNathaniel_GageaBOCKalypseJ8EHmaus_del96AkariHolicmona_antoniaApuntoguion
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    Nathaniel_GageaBOCKalypseSOC95HutchiGirl93chrisstolltop_trend_us_NatalieChengWhiteMorph
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    Take your characters out of your novel. Let 'em run around. Oh no! You fell asleep. Now one's pregnant. Start over! #confusingwritingadvice

    • 43
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    grantkellyAlshonFubawu_kaylaterryManetOlympiaFrozenStarGabrielleLomasElissahGkellschh
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    Laubhamamandasxlifeshredded_angelthe_coyote_jrkayleenicolehatMaddiBrozekGabrielleLomasimaralendersx
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    Q: Why do white people put kids on leashes? A: If two white children meet and are not properly restrained, they'll fight until one is dead.

    • 60
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    judsonianTJ_WhiteheadMadameLaCroozJakeIstKriegMrDysphemismeTiberiuspcpoodlenoellepereira
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    TJ_WhiteheadWhitePPLSecretspursuechaseProfOsirisCORBJumpstreetGaadgetteEQ_BumbleBE3favstar50
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    I gotta say, paying very strong men with leadership potential to damage each other's brains sounds like a great way to postpone revolution.

    • 50
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    kitten2cat98ShayleeActuallyBigHamSwaggMortimusgerbilJennyPentlandMidianiteMannaDadBeardGageMichael
    • 37
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    favstar50BigHamSwaggSlipgate0sarahgrace3407WadiMuhaisenBigCityBareFeetbehnkseyrmhoward
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    The fact that women have to spend International Women's Day explaining to men that Nov. 19th is International Men's Day says so, so much.

    • 24
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    MadameLaCroozJakeIstKriegMrDysphemismJennyPentlandpcsegalmc_hammurabiPiratLoicTheAnimePolice
    • 63
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    06_m7mdRuth_UUmodernprincessDrShenanigansb_radrad_guylindadovecuntkaitstephjl
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    I assume when Sir Mix-a-Lot said "I cannot lie" he meant he couldn't lie about liking big butts, but what if he was also cursed by a wizard?

    • 63
    • FAVS
    TJ_WhiteheadJakeIstKriegjimmykinkadeMrDysphemism_PeachyJane_adamthislifeElfonzo_Rhodesmissalise
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    TJ_WhiteheadDJMitchMDSinisterSweetie__Bunnydurdenminimcgoddessfavstar50laurenbankakneontigerrun
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    If your household makes over $450K and you have trouble making ends meet, save money by renting in a high crime area and never eating out!

    • 27
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    chonnyejronctabgirleasyjoggerAna_DevinerunkindatrunkdenniskeenyMelZagNut
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    AinsworthHannahMonxoLopezmanostorgocmonstahtabgirlMaryMariaMarieeasyjoggertridnguyen
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    - Against health care reform? Write out your reasons in a sympathetic letter to your future self who's sick and out of work.

    • 73
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    QuivervoxjoegardenetBITSJazzzyonematterileNotJPowebofevilconsprcy_carrot
    • 4
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    Amanu360donniXabyatafavstar50
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    Why Don't We Do It in "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy #BleakBeatles

    • 50
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    arcuatePetersonGoodwynWGladstonejacobswRoystonWardtheegustation9VoltRevoltdavidfuternick
    • 23
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    diaaaannnnemishakazfavstar50federmonsterRoystonWardskirdyloonindianheadmusicBustersCousinSP
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    WARNING: If you travel back in time less than eight years, people will recognize you, but think you look like shit.

    • 34
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    JakeIstKriegjimmykinkadeMrDysphemismBettyLiesdonniOioKoKevinDeanGanderKaysNH
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    m_shelorhungerf9RobansuefarmTheAmazingWJVAFactotumimagniAndrewTunneynikosalonen
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    You can be pissed at rioters, sad for them, pissed at the people who orchestrated their environment, and sad for businesses, all at once.

    • 19
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    JakeIstKriegJennyPentlandKaysNHMacDarascottsimpsonsnortingmarmotsMikeTheDevinexzqx
    • 48
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    JarnoooooonandorockerhobocodesmfpsethrobblovingsethrobsonstrwbrryLttr23blbennett
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    - My wife thinks I'm crazy for turning over each tater tot individually at the ten minute mark, and because of the things I do and say.

    • 61
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    JakeIstKriegjimmykinkadeMrDysphemismJadiekytmenialmoosed_judesB9TumorMrsTomServo
    • 2
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    favstar50mitdasein
  • sgnp
      Paul Gude (Rascal) @sgnp

    If you're not mad, you aren't paying attention to things that will make you mad.

    • 28
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    MrDysphemismmenialmooseBlacksbrgmisterjefftminstonTerenia01euphoriafishtop_tw_funnylittlebirdgoes
    • 33
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    boriqua2005QuietAliengo2yourlibrarymarinaschlesmega_lishiousslepkanetjraseyfavstar_pop
@sgnp

@sgnp

...a vivid narrative and raconteur-father in the land of looming evergreens and rainy fortnights. - Paul Shinn