God bless the creator of the butt warmer in cars.

Spell it with me, folks
M E R G E

See there? - it contains neither *rocket* nor *science*

So I'm all bent over doing my hair.

Hubs walks by naked.

I thought sure why not a quick blowjob.

Not really the same with the blow dryer

It only took a quarter to get me on my knees today.


I'm sure it would have been much sexier had it not rolled under the soda machine.

Hubs says I slept with my mouth open all night.
That explains the dryness, swelling, and..
..hey, what's that crusty stuff on my chin?

School cancelled tmrw due to snow and wind chill. My kids are gonna be dumb as hell by spring.

Woman in the next fitting room is literally short of breath.
If you have to work at it that hard, hon, it probably doesn't fit.

Today I choose ponytail.
The perfect blend of fashion, function and apathy.

Christmas forecast is 6-9". I know what I'm wishing for!

So if we're all checking our phones at a red light, is there a head nod or hand signal so we know who's watching for the light to change?

Today's workout: push-up from the couch, lunge to the fridge, squat back on couch, curl beverage

Does this couch make my butt look flat?

Has anyone seen my corporate give-a-shit?

I seem to have misplaced it.

I hope none of you are grossed out that I frequently read/write tweets while on the throne.

I also hope none of you are turned on.

I am SO glad 10 is feeling better.

Finally..

I don't have to pour my own wine tonight.

After 3 glasses of wine, 10 may as well have signed her own school papers.

I just noticed I now have 69 followers.

I insist on multiples of that.

I just walked thru a cloud of brut cologne so thick I can taste it. Thanks, building maint guy. 1985 called. Shelf life expired.

If it weren't for the treadmill I'd rather enjoy the sweating, panting and pounding.

So we're watching Pink live concert.
She frightens me a little.
But intrigues me more *raises eyebrow*

And now hubs is *very* intrigued.