i'm not addicted to twitter, i'm addicted to laughing

if anyone needs me for anything, i'll be over here in the corner struggling with reality

if your long dress doesn't have a slit to at least mid thigh, you are not tactically prepared for the zombie apocalypse

Oprah has been on the air for 25 years, time flies when you're gagging

opinions are like diamonds, if they are flawed they can always be crushed and used as a polishing agent

what doesn't kill me, makes me want to kill me

sometimes i feel like a homicidal maniac and sometimes i'm asleep

apathy is my superpower, not that i care

i'm certain that the 1st person to create a practical solution to reducing urine output while drinking alcohol will become rich overnight

dear sexy avatar follower - you better either put out and/or have something funny/intelligent to say or i'll unfollow your sexy T&A

just pretend i know what you are talking about and continue

i always judge my accomplishments by how long it takes to wash the blood off my hands

sobriety is for people that can cope with reality

me stalk you long time

twitter won't stay up. somebody give it a little blue pill

fuck this being awake shit

i see your blah and raise you a fuck off

with great pain comes great responsibility, to not kill everyone

nobody knows the tribbles i've seen - a depressed trekkie

when in doubt, get more duct tape