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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    Í héár ćhíćkś díg áććéńtś.

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    DamonHunzekerBeamishBoieverydayeyedieEye_Roadcannaboiz420bees_wingzmisssugarquotedshutupmac
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    phendettaeverydayeyedieEye_Roadcannaboiz420TheMvdHattermisssugarquotedCamcottshutupmac
    hg47corsaljferg1616JonJon_Brown
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.

    • 861
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    TheSolClarkeedbritonRee_Sub__fav_ly001fav_ly0009u1nnsix4certainRaisedxAliens
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    Ree_Sub__nvalvo_stellaryo_thanlandMorganDewanh3ll0d0llyCarmeloStar__chamashouse______77katie
    TheTennisPhenomweinerdog4lifeKelleysBreakRm
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    I bet Chris Brown's alarm clock hesitates to go off in the morning.

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    StephenBCramer__six4certainsamsara668SeanpocalypseBondJameshBondcydneyhumphreyComoSayEskimoOohbeartrap
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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    I just farted while Siri was active and she brought up a map of France.

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    Vovo_ZuSirAaronDanielSultani_SailsBonesHerPortRooster__Aredubbleyou______samsara668Seanpocalypse
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    milianlucicAredubbleyou______samsara668nononowaityeahLuthah34kristenstockdalBarkingAnusProfessor_Ryan
    TimHainesBrainlessGeorgeweinerdog4life
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    If you ever want to see my impression of one of those inflatable tube guys dealerships use, throw a moth down the back of my shirt.

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    errdayhustlahStymieBrewerExitThaWarriorswitterbeetbillyocean32leechee420radicaljocykrishna_van
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    StymieBrewerExitThaWarriorsrah22leechee420radicaljocykrishna_vangr8k8b____________samsara668
    OhDuarteGarreTheFerretskullpuppy11scrirc____________siamondayGuiltlessNickBasstardy________pizzaguyjay______
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    I never 'blow it up' when pounding fists because I'm Middle Eastern and that's still a touchy subject.

    • 405
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    StephenBCramer__brandiwastakenBonesHerHeyRache__TheMrMattyTibnuperdanaKarenLKendallsm1rks
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    jeffporperGuiltlessNickHey_Tess
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    Saying "We're peeing at the same time!" when my wife was on the toilet and I was in the shower did not produce the "Aww!" I was hoping for.

    • 388
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    BrentweetsOFtrash14________samsara668SeanpocalypseSacamanoBOhDuarteCpt_Burnoutnononowaityeah
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    javachipbonespizzaguyjay______
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    “They’re using it for WHAT?!” — inventor of the detachable shower head

    • 348
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    StephenBCramer__NotAStupidGirlMacKoolioGuyAdvisorLitra_In_Denial__samsara668Seanpocalypseurgeekisshowing
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    sandboxtoyrainingtbirddietcoke78PodyTheCirate____SassyKandersCpt_BurnoutlandondyoungLoverOfComics94
    thatstings
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a girl posing for a picture.

    • 287
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    Darlainkybeckyiniowaucrazclothingskullpuppy11lolimdrunkStephenBCramer__six4certainasoiree__
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    ucrazclothingskullpuppy11JeffSikesasoiree__niturak25UnfrozenThoughtmanchiscapLitra_In_Denial__
    bombscribe
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    Well, well, well. If it isn’t three sources of water.

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    radicaljocyStephenBCramer__br03dAstridMidtuncholesteroIsix4certainblanketslugjohngaysee
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    radicaljocyLatZzePaleryder1776DCrose76jasonlight73RealMattGandee__eatyourdinnerapopagasm
    Neutrontrilogysumpeoplelikeit
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    A pregnant woman smoking a cigarette just asked to use my phone. I was upset at first but then I remembered I have free weekend minutes.

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    StephenBCramer__SeanpocalypseComoSayEskimoBeerhazeSacamanoBOhDuartekjmeowalongcamepachi____
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    Basstardy________jasonlight73FvckJJFD3BJ_Tina4Prince_JDDBobbyBucchaegreyeyes66SlabBaconBP
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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    I hate seeing a pregnant woman cry, but I saw this seat first.

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    samsara668SeanpocalypseSacamanoBPeppersprayJLizMellownononowaityeahDerslangTaylorVirtue
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    Tuna_LoverShaneezaAlli
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    Fun thing I do on the train: hold an arm out longingly towards someone random with tears in my eyes as we pull away from each station.

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    radicaljocysamsara668SeanpocalypsenononowaityeahdomesticHOne_FineMess_InsanelyNormal__hg47
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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    If I can't play your butt like a bongo whenever I want then why in the mother fuck did we get married?

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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    Yes, I get that you're goth. Stop hissing at me.

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    spotswoj
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    I wouldn't say I'm pro abortion, I'm more amateur abortion.

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    THEPokerWifeStcyBnsnLitra_In_Denial__stasdaraBrentweetsn0tblondesamsara668Seanpocalypse
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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    My local soft rock station is still looking for the ninth caller to win a pair of concert tickets to see the Counting Crows three years ago.

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    StephenBCramer__six4certainSeanpocalypseCpt_BurnoutArroiaalongcamepachi____domesticH_InsanelyNormal__
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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    If I ever get to 10,000 followers I'm changing my avatar to an egg and manually RTing everyone with comments like "LOL!!!" and "SO TRUE!!!"

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    StephenBCramer__six4certainsamsara668SeanpocalypseBwanaChrisseriouslykatesMissHurricanezManda_like_wine
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    javachipbonesAristotlesNZ__
  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    "This is why we can't have nice things!" -- me, pointing to my wallet, in a room alone.

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  • shahrouzt
      Shahrouz @shahrouzt

    I just tried Twitter Crush. Worst soda I've ever had.

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    GreenheadsOnly____
@shahrouzt

@shahrouzt

Several ER trips and a few broken bones later, I still don’t know why they’re called parachute pants. Designer at Pinterest. Jackass everywhere else.

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